The "Drags" of Motherhood

So my husband and I were laying in bed last night, having a bit of pillow talk; the kind you have right before you go to sleep the kind that is so open and honest that sometimes you wonder why you even bother to have that type of talk at night, why you are so stupid to risk it as 90% of the time something is said that will hurt one party's feelings.
Well such a thing happened last night. While this is in no way verbatim as, like I said earlier it was late at night, I mentioned that it was weird that he didn't go out with his co-workers last night (one of whom happens to be my sister) and he said he turned them down. Then I made a comment half jokingly "Well they could have invited me...I wonder why they don't." And my husband told me "Well sometimes you're a drag".

Excuse me?

I was like "What the hell does that mean?" and he explained "Well you say it's too late, you're ready to go home already, or you're always calling to check in on the boy; sometimes you're a drag."

That really hurt my feelings. It really did. I realize that as a SAHM perhaps I am not up to par on what's going on in the world, and that occasionally my life completely revolves around my son. And given the way my son's life started I do realize I tend to over worry more than the average mother. But as a SAHM I also feel I can't help it. I don't mean to be a drag but I can't stand mothers who go out and party all night with no concern for their children at home. My sister does that and it bothers me because even though her daughter is seven years old you should still call like once in the night to check in on your child. That's being a good mother, in my mind. However I also realize that you can't call every fifteen minutes to check on the baby because than what's the point in going out? And I honestly thought I was getting better at not over checking but I guess I was wrong.

And it also hurt because it just brought me back to a time in my life where I was always the one left out. While I hate to sound like a whiny Judy Blume heroine that's what has happened before; somehow at some point in someone's experience with me I cease to be cool for awhile and therefore am deemed unworthy to hang out with. And that hurts a lot especially coming from your husband. To be told that I'm no fun to hang out with; well what the hell dude? Did it ever occur to you that maybe I'm not fun for hanging out with because I never get to freaking go out? I just recently started to get out on a more regular basis, thanks largely in part to the Mother's Group I joined recently. Plus I'm getting to the point where I tell him "Hey I'm going out this night so either find a babysitter if you have plans or stay at home with our son." So I'm getting a life outside my home which is healthy. But still, that comment has been ringing in my head and hurting my heart all day that for all my work I'm still a drag. I'm still the uncool-ish kid who the cool kids get tired of hanging out with at some point and just blow off until they decide that hey I'm cool again.

It seems the best thing to do is continue what I'm doing and continue to have more of a life outside my house, outside my son, and outside my husband. I just have to learn how to walk that fine line and still be a good mother to my son and a good wife to my husband without "dragging" all those around me down.