Wanting

I've never been one to want to keep up with the Joneses...if someone has something nice I may want it but I don't whine or pine for it and beg my husband for a canary diamond/new car/granite counters/whatever the case may be. But I will think about it and move in because I don't feel the need nor see the sense in wanting pretty things I can't have right now.

Case in point? I want a house; a house that is ours a house we're not renting a house where I can paint or put in a nice ass kitchen as I am becoming quite the culinary master with my mini-cheesecakes and the such. However since I don't work we don't have much income coming in so there's no way we can afford a site built house any time soon. If we buy a house it will be a manufactured home because that's what we can afford and the hubster likes them as he can work on them. Okay that's do-able I can deal with one of those homes b/c once we pay it off we can move it somewhere else from this property. Am I happy? I wouldn't say overjoyed but I'm not unhappy about it if it is what I can get that's okay especially since the hubster knows what I want in a house and is steadily looking for a manufactured home with all those perks. He already knows I want a nice kitchen and built in bookshelves would be nice. So anyways getting back to my original point I want a house but I don't; I look at websites but not for long b/c as Anya said on Buffy I have no interest in taking the tour of pretty things I can't have.

Another thing; my SIL just had a baby and I guess I'm getting the look in my eyes when I look at her b/c my MIL commented on "Don't want any right now Paige, your husband said no" which is no biggie to me b/c it's true. And while I do want more kids, despite everything I may say in jest, the sane part of me knows I don't want more now; Trio is still young and while he is out of the woods health wise I want to be sure. We can't afford it unless something awesome happens (COME ON BOOK DEAL) plus I feel part of it is just "Oh look at the pretty baby I want another baby". So while I want a baby I don't; I think it wastes too much energy wanting something that you have no chance in hell of getting for a very long time if ever. It wastes energy and then you have negative energy hanging around you because the person you're with knows you want something either they can't or won't give you.

I think that's one of the problems with the world; people spend so much time wanting what they can't have either because of circumstances or because they sit around whining about how much they want it and do virtually nothing to go out there and get it. We have this whole "gimme gimme gimme" complex where we want things NOW and don't want to do any thing to get it because they expect it to come to them (usually b/c their parents gave them everything but that's another blog). No one is satisfied with what they have they insist on wanting more and more and more and that's just stupid. I think people need to learn to be happy if they have a comfortable existence. Is my life perfect? No in no way shape or form. But I'm content where I am b/c I think everyday how lucky I am that I can do what I do. B/C we live where my husband works and he is a damn good worker we will have this place to live until we buy outside or inside the community and then on if he wants. B/C of that I can stay at home for a little while longer and not have to get a job and I can be there for my son through everything until he goes to school. I have the luxury to write and who knows maybe I'll get picked up and get a contract and then we'll have money from that. I am lucky that I do not live in constant fear of my husband getting laid off, that our old 1999 little Nissan Sentra is paid off so we only have to worry about insurance and that (God be blessed) we had state insurance to help us with our son's surgeries. I am lucky that I can be a SAHM and not worry about making it.

And knowing that helps the wanting back down. B/C I am damn lucky in all those respects that I don't HAVE to get a job like other mothers in my life (whether they know it or not) and the job I do have is flexible enough that I don't have to work every party but b/c I am flexible myself they remember this and give me the great 8 hour driving out of town jobs (for which I get paid to sit in a van and ride). I am writing which I want and I have good friends. So while I may want a new house, car or baby I don't need them.

At least not yet.