Last week was my birthday. On the actual day I went to see Mamma Mia! at Bass with two friends. Friday Albert took off and we went to the Metzner pool in Pflugerville with our son and niece and went to see Transformers: Rise of the Fallen, and this weekend I celebrated by going to Pluckers and bowling with more friends and family (BTW if you have large parties at Pluckers I recommend outside seating. It's not too hot b/c it's covered plus they have misters that mist water all over you so it's not too bad). I had a FANTASTIC time. Mamma Mia! was awesome and just so much fun with the poppy Abba tunes and the brightly colored spandex outfits and I had a great time singing along in my head and laughing with my friends. It was great spending time alone with my husband and son and watching them interact at the park and it was great having one on one time with him at the movies. I had a great time at Plucker's and bowling was awesome and I had a blast.
And at the risk of sounding selfish I was so glad that I was able to actually do something on my birthday this year. Two years ago I was pregnant so I couldn't get drunk but I did bowl (albeit not really well since I wasn't suppose to lift heavy stuff). Last year Trio was recovering from heart surgery and we almost were discharged on my birthday but actually ended up getting out on the day after. So my birthday I was in the hospital room and went out just to dinner with my sister. I have to admit that I was grateful to have something to do on my birthday that was for me. I was so paranoid to call attention to it b/c then I knew something would happen and I would have to not do anything. I got into that habit last year in the hospital; it felt like every time I would celebrate b/c we might be getting out we'd have to stay an extra few days. So this year I didn't call attention to it.
But I am so grateful that I was able to do something. And that's not all. I'm grateful that here it is, a year after open heart surgery and my son is fine. Here it is a year after where I didn't know if he would make it or not and I am going through all the stages I wasn't sure I would to experience with my wonderful son. While my life is crazy sometimes and frustrating I do know how lucky I am in some respects if not in all but this weekend helped me to realize it. I have a good marriage and while everyone may not understand why I do the things I do or he does if we're okay with it that's all that matters. We're able to make it by on one income and that's great b/c if I get a part-time job we should be doing really fantastic.
But most of all I have my boys the two men in the world who mean so much to me with the exception of my father. And this weekend with them made everything I go through that's hard worth it.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Father's Day
Since yesterday was Father's Day I decided to write about the idea of Fatherhood today. There are some facts that boggle me about father's and I wanted to get them out and say my opinion about the whole thing.
I remember reading a couple of years ago on a Trivial Pursuit card (yes I am such a nerd) that Father's Day is the one day of the year where the most collect calls are put through. I was somewhat unnerved by that. I mean how are you going to call your dad collect on his day? It just seems wrong. Then there was an article in the Statesmen a couple of years ago that said that when children are left in the car and end up dying that fathers get more leniency then the mother; meaning that dads tend to get off with lighter sentences and/or probation while mothers get long years. And it went on to say that most people have the mentality that mother's are doing nature's work and dad's are just basically facilitators whenever they watch the kids.
Which I think is crap; quite honestly there's no other way to put it. Fathers are parents too it doesn't matter that they weren't the one to carry the child around during the gestation period they are parents. I tell my hubby many a times I didn't conceive Trio on my own it was a two person effort and parenting is a two person job. I find it annoying when people say dad's are "babysitting" when they watch the kids; one of my friends teased Albert about that awhile back when I was going out with some friends that he was on babysitting duty and I said flat out "That's bullshit he's not on babysitting duty he's on daddy duty it's his son too". It's like no matter what that society is still in the fifites where the mom does everything with the child and the father earns the money. It's even worse if you happen to be in the position like mine where the mom stays at home people just assume you should do everything. And I do a lot but I draw the line at doing everythign because what I do is work I just don't get paid for it. You know it's work when you can be gone for like an hour and when you get back there is chaos strewn everywhere in the form of toys because they didn't notice.
Last December I went to The Nutcracker with a friend and left the kids with the husbands. When we got back to my place it was trashed and I was pissed; because the older boy had taken out all the toys from the toybox and dumped them on the floor and because he had gotten a stamp and stamped all over the hallway wall and door. And I asked Albert later "What the hell were you two doing that not only did he make a mess but he was able to mark up the door? Seriously did you not look up at all in the two and half hours I was gone?" And that really upset me because I should not get to go away to work or have fun and come back to drama and chaos in the form of a messy house because whoever was in charge wasn't observant to notice and make the children clean up after themselves. That's just how I look at it while staying at home is hard a lot of it is common sense. Should a toddler have an open marker or stamp and be left unobserved where they can write anywhere? How 'bout no?
I don't agree with deadbeat dads not paying child support (or parents in general b/c let's be honest there are some shitty mothers out there) but on that other side it seems society treats fathers like they're walking sperm donors and not actual parents. Everything in society seems to say the only thing a dad is good for is giving money and that's just not true. While there is nothing you can do about parents that are just messed up and aren't right there is something we can do to make good dads feel as important as they are. Don't be cheap and call you dad collect any day unless you're in jail. If a dad leaves a child in the car all day b/c he "forgot" he should just as much jail time as a mother would. Dads watching kids while the moms goes out is not babysitting it's being a parent. We need to recognize that in the parental process dads are just as important as mothers are and it's time for this double standard to stop where dads are made to feel like they're more inferior to mothers.
You're probably wondering if I feel this way while I admonished my husband in December. It's because I expect from him what I expect from me in terms of parenting and I was disappointed that happened because I feel he should have been more observant then what he was. We're in this together and I have to be able to trust that if I go out of town that everything will be somewhat smooth when I get back. I try to make him accountable for what happens on his watch because I'm accountable for what happens on my watch. I don't let him feel like a babysitter I make him feel like a father and that works for us. I admit I was different at first; I called and worried that he was doing things wrong and all that jazz. He told me it made him feel bad because it made him feel like I was second guessing him and his parenting skills and I had to work on that. I encourage everyone else to as well. Let's recognize fathers for the wonderful parents they are.
I hope everyone had a happy Father's Day!!
I remember reading a couple of years ago on a Trivial Pursuit card (yes I am such a nerd) that Father's Day is the one day of the year where the most collect calls are put through. I was somewhat unnerved by that. I mean how are you going to call your dad collect on his day? It just seems wrong. Then there was an article in the Statesmen a couple of years ago that said that when children are left in the car and end up dying that fathers get more leniency then the mother; meaning that dads tend to get off with lighter sentences and/or probation while mothers get long years. And it went on to say that most people have the mentality that mother's are doing nature's work and dad's are just basically facilitators whenever they watch the kids.
Which I think is crap; quite honestly there's no other way to put it. Fathers are parents too it doesn't matter that they weren't the one to carry the child around during the gestation period they are parents. I tell my hubby many a times I didn't conceive Trio on my own it was a two person effort and parenting is a two person job. I find it annoying when people say dad's are "babysitting" when they watch the kids; one of my friends teased Albert about that awhile back when I was going out with some friends that he was on babysitting duty and I said flat out "That's bullshit he's not on babysitting duty he's on daddy duty it's his son too". It's like no matter what that society is still in the fifites where the mom does everything with the child and the father earns the money. It's even worse if you happen to be in the position like mine where the mom stays at home people just assume you should do everything. And I do a lot but I draw the line at doing everythign because what I do is work I just don't get paid for it. You know it's work when you can be gone for like an hour and when you get back there is chaos strewn everywhere in the form of toys because they didn't notice.
Last December I went to The Nutcracker with a friend and left the kids with the husbands. When we got back to my place it was trashed and I was pissed; because the older boy had taken out all the toys from the toybox and dumped them on the floor and because he had gotten a stamp and stamped all over the hallway wall and door. And I asked Albert later "What the hell were you two doing that not only did he make a mess but he was able to mark up the door? Seriously did you not look up at all in the two and half hours I was gone?" And that really upset me because I should not get to go away to work or have fun and come back to drama and chaos in the form of a messy house because whoever was in charge wasn't observant to notice and make the children clean up after themselves. That's just how I look at it while staying at home is hard a lot of it is common sense. Should a toddler have an open marker or stamp and be left unobserved where they can write anywhere? How 'bout no?
I don't agree with deadbeat dads not paying child support (or parents in general b/c let's be honest there are some shitty mothers out there) but on that other side it seems society treats fathers like they're walking sperm donors and not actual parents. Everything in society seems to say the only thing a dad is good for is giving money and that's just not true. While there is nothing you can do about parents that are just messed up and aren't right there is something we can do to make good dads feel as important as they are. Don't be cheap and call you dad collect any day unless you're in jail. If a dad leaves a child in the car all day b/c he "forgot" he should just as much jail time as a mother would. Dads watching kids while the moms goes out is not babysitting it's being a parent. We need to recognize that in the parental process dads are just as important as mothers are and it's time for this double standard to stop where dads are made to feel like they're more inferior to mothers.
You're probably wondering if I feel this way while I admonished my husband in December. It's because I expect from him what I expect from me in terms of parenting and I was disappointed that happened because I feel he should have been more observant then what he was. We're in this together and I have to be able to trust that if I go out of town that everything will be somewhat smooth when I get back. I try to make him accountable for what happens on his watch because I'm accountable for what happens on my watch. I don't let him feel like a babysitter I make him feel like a father and that works for us. I admit I was different at first; I called and worried that he was doing things wrong and all that jazz. He told me it made him feel bad because it made him feel like I was second guessing him and his parenting skills and I had to work on that. I encourage everyone else to as well. Let's recognize fathers for the wonderful parents they are.
I hope everyone had a happy Father's Day!!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Summer Reading
I am a bibliomaniac. There I said it; I love to read. Besides drinking glasses, whenever we move books take up the most space. My poor husband (who is not afflicted like me) sometimes just walks around the house going "There are books everywhere!!" I come from a books of readers; my mom and dad did and since they read so much my sister and I did to entertain ourselves. In fact my son is a little one too it seems as he will sit and read to himself (but that's another entry to be put on his on blog).
It seems books are like movies in that the big ones come out in the summer. All the series I read always come out in the summer or late fall (as Julie Kenner's newest Kate Connor book will be). One of the books that I was excited about this summer? Kyra Davis' Lust, Loathing, a Little Lip Gloss which is the next installment in the humorous Sophie Katz series.
Sophie is an author and 'accidental' would-be sleuth as she just happens to keep on discovering dead bodies. This book is no exception as Sophie happens to discover two within a short amount of time from each other. And I was really excited about this book being released as it has been two years since the last one was published (I remember reading it while pregnant with my son) and I have loved this series since the moment I started it.
I'll give a brief overview of the novel (with no spoilers): Sophie is wanting to buy a house and meets her ex-husband (now a realtor) at an open house; he tells her about another house that is not even open to the market yet and she agrees to meet him there. It ends up being a beautiful Victorian at an unheard of low price but unfortunately this is where Sophie finds her first dead body. The deceased's son still agrees to sell the house to Sophie for the same price if she meets the terms of his bizarre agreement which include a year's membership in the Spector Society and to report any 'ghostly' sightings to him. Should she in any way disrespect the house she is out with $20,000 but still out. The novel really picks up speed when she discovers her second body and finds out the pasts of all the society members while trying to figure out who killed the society member, including her own past in connection to one of the members.
I won't say anymore because it will spoil the book but I would definitely say pick it up as well as the rest of the series. While you don't necessarily have to read all the books in order like any other series it might behoove you if you want to read it in order. BTW if you buy it from Borders be advised that they (hopefully erroneously) call this the final Sophie book even though the author has said on her various social profiles that she is busy working on the next one, so you don't have to worry about getting into the series starting with the last book.
Happy reading!!
It seems books are like movies in that the big ones come out in the summer. All the series I read always come out in the summer or late fall (as Julie Kenner's newest Kate Connor book will be). One of the books that I was excited about this summer? Kyra Davis' Lust, Loathing, a Little Lip Gloss which is the next installment in the humorous Sophie Katz series.
Sophie is an author and 'accidental' would-be sleuth as she just happens to keep on discovering dead bodies. This book is no exception as Sophie happens to discover two within a short amount of time from each other. And I was really excited about this book being released as it has been two years since the last one was published (I remember reading it while pregnant with my son) and I have loved this series since the moment I started it.
I'll give a brief overview of the novel (with no spoilers): Sophie is wanting to buy a house and meets her ex-husband (now a realtor) at an open house; he tells her about another house that is not even open to the market yet and she agrees to meet him there. It ends up being a beautiful Victorian at an unheard of low price but unfortunately this is where Sophie finds her first dead body. The deceased's son still agrees to sell the house to Sophie for the same price if she meets the terms of his bizarre agreement which include a year's membership in the Spector Society and to report any 'ghostly' sightings to him. Should she in any way disrespect the house she is out with $20,000 but still out. The novel really picks up speed when she discovers her second body and finds out the pasts of all the society members while trying to figure out who killed the society member, including her own past in connection to one of the members.
I won't say anymore because it will spoil the book but I would definitely say pick it up as well as the rest of the series. While you don't necessarily have to read all the books in order like any other series it might behoove you if you want to read it in order. BTW if you buy it from Borders be advised that they (hopefully erroneously) call this the final Sophie book even though the author has said on her various social profiles that she is busy working on the next one, so you don't have to worry about getting into the series starting with the last book.
Happy reading!!
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Wanting
I've never been one to want to keep up with the Joneses...if someone has something nice I may want it but I don't whine or pine for it and beg my husband for a canary diamond/new car/granite counters/whatever the case may be. But I will think about it and move in because I don't feel the need nor see the sense in wanting pretty things I can't have right now.
Case in point? I want a house; a house that is ours a house we're not renting a house where I can paint or put in a nice ass kitchen as I am becoming quite the culinary master with my mini-cheesecakes and the such. However since I don't work we don't have much income coming in so there's no way we can afford a site built house any time soon. If we buy a house it will be a manufactured home because that's what we can afford and the hubster likes them as he can work on them. Okay that's do-able I can deal with one of those homes b/c once we pay it off we can move it somewhere else from this property. Am I happy? I wouldn't say overjoyed but I'm not unhappy about it if it is what I can get that's okay especially since the hubster knows what I want in a house and is steadily looking for a manufactured home with all those perks. He already knows I want a nice kitchen and built in bookshelves would be nice. So anyways getting back to my original point I want a house but I don't; I look at websites but not for long b/c as Anya said on Buffy I have no interest in taking the tour of pretty things I can't have.
Another thing; my SIL just had a baby and I guess I'm getting the look in my eyes when I look at her b/c my MIL commented on "Don't want any right now Paige, your husband said no" which is no biggie to me b/c it's true. And while I do want more kids, despite everything I may say in jest, the sane part of me knows I don't want more now; Trio is still young and while he is out of the woods health wise I want to be sure. We can't afford it unless something awesome happens (COME ON BOOK DEAL) plus I feel part of it is just "Oh look at the pretty baby I want another baby". So while I want a baby I don't; I think it wastes too much energy wanting something that you have no chance in hell of getting for a very long time if ever. It wastes energy and then you have negative energy hanging around you because the person you're with knows you want something either they can't or won't give you.
I think that's one of the problems with the world; people spend so much time wanting what they can't have either because of circumstances or because they sit around whining about how much they want it and do virtually nothing to go out there and get it. We have this whole "gimme gimme gimme" complex where we want things NOW and don't want to do any thing to get it because they expect it to come to them (usually b/c their parents gave them everything but that's another blog). No one is satisfied with what they have they insist on wanting more and more and more and that's just stupid. I think people need to learn to be happy if they have a comfortable existence. Is my life perfect? No in no way shape or form. But I'm content where I am b/c I think everyday how lucky I am that I can do what I do. B/C we live where my husband works and he is a damn good worker we will have this place to live until we buy outside or inside the community and then on if he wants. B/C of that I can stay at home for a little while longer and not have to get a job and I can be there for my son through everything until he goes to school. I have the luxury to write and who knows maybe I'll get picked up and get a contract and then we'll have money from that. I am lucky that I do not live in constant fear of my husband getting laid off, that our old 1999 little Nissan Sentra is paid off so we only have to worry about insurance and that (God be blessed) we had state insurance to help us with our son's surgeries. I am lucky that I can be a SAHM and not worry about making it.
And knowing that helps the wanting back down. B/C I am damn lucky in all those respects that I don't HAVE to get a job like other mothers in my life (whether they know it or not) and the job I do have is flexible enough that I don't have to work every party but b/c I am flexible myself they remember this and give me the great 8 hour driving out of town jobs (for which I get paid to sit in a van and ride). I am writing which I want and I have good friends. So while I may want a new house, car or baby I don't need them.
At least not yet.
Case in point? I want a house; a house that is ours a house we're not renting a house where I can paint or put in a nice ass kitchen as I am becoming quite the culinary master with my mini-cheesecakes and the such. However since I don't work we don't have much income coming in so there's no way we can afford a site built house any time soon. If we buy a house it will be a manufactured home because that's what we can afford and the hubster likes them as he can work on them. Okay that's do-able I can deal with one of those homes b/c once we pay it off we can move it somewhere else from this property. Am I happy? I wouldn't say overjoyed but I'm not unhappy about it if it is what I can get that's okay especially since the hubster knows what I want in a house and is steadily looking for a manufactured home with all those perks. He already knows I want a nice kitchen and built in bookshelves would be nice. So anyways getting back to my original point I want a house but I don't; I look at websites but not for long b/c as Anya said on Buffy I have no interest in taking the tour of pretty things I can't have.
Another thing; my SIL just had a baby and I guess I'm getting the look in my eyes when I look at her b/c my MIL commented on "Don't want any right now Paige, your husband said no" which is no biggie to me b/c it's true. And while I do want more kids, despite everything I may say in jest, the sane part of me knows I don't want more now; Trio is still young and while he is out of the woods health wise I want to be sure. We can't afford it unless something awesome happens (COME ON BOOK DEAL) plus I feel part of it is just "Oh look at the pretty baby I want another baby". So while I want a baby I don't; I think it wastes too much energy wanting something that you have no chance in hell of getting for a very long time if ever. It wastes energy and then you have negative energy hanging around you because the person you're with knows you want something either they can't or won't give you.
I think that's one of the problems with the world; people spend so much time wanting what they can't have either because of circumstances or because they sit around whining about how much they want it and do virtually nothing to go out there and get it. We have this whole "gimme gimme gimme" complex where we want things NOW and don't want to do any thing to get it because they expect it to come to them (usually b/c their parents gave them everything but that's another blog). No one is satisfied with what they have they insist on wanting more and more and more and that's just stupid. I think people need to learn to be happy if they have a comfortable existence. Is my life perfect? No in no way shape or form. But I'm content where I am b/c I think everyday how lucky I am that I can do what I do. B/C we live where my husband works and he is a damn good worker we will have this place to live until we buy outside or inside the community and then on if he wants. B/C of that I can stay at home for a little while longer and not have to get a job and I can be there for my son through everything until he goes to school. I have the luxury to write and who knows maybe I'll get picked up and get a contract and then we'll have money from that. I am lucky that I do not live in constant fear of my husband getting laid off, that our old 1999 little Nissan Sentra is paid off so we only have to worry about insurance and that (God be blessed) we had state insurance to help us with our son's surgeries. I am lucky that I can be a SAHM and not worry about making it.
And knowing that helps the wanting back down. B/C I am damn lucky in all those respects that I don't HAVE to get a job like other mothers in my life (whether they know it or not) and the job I do have is flexible enough that I don't have to work every party but b/c I am flexible myself they remember this and give me the great 8 hour driving out of town jobs (for which I get paid to sit in a van and ride). I am writing which I want and I have good friends. So while I may want a new house, car or baby I don't need them.
At least not yet.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Speechless
http://www.kxan.com/dpp/news/crime/Mom_feeds_child_feces
This makes me sick and it pisses me off. How could someone do this to their own child? And what annoys me is that she whined in her blog about how hard it is to have your child in the hosptial. Yeah. It sucks; it sucks a lot but a sane person would do things to make their child better not worse. Feces in a feeding tube = worse. And now mysteriously her blog and YouTube video diary are private. Huh...not a concidence there.
I've been there it sucks to be in a hosptial with your child sick and it sucks and it stressful and you do a little crazy. However that's what the nurses and volunteers and doctors and chaplains are for. I had many of Trio's nurses look at me and bluntly tell me "You need to go for a walk and get out we'll keep a special eye/ear out for him". So I do not believe that this didn't happen to this Emily woman. And it scares me that she has two more children (who are with their father and not with her as she is in jail) and I hope that they don't have to stay with her. I hope there is some grandparent on either side that takes over because obviously this woman is not capable of taking care of her children if she was trying to kill her own child.
And that's also a point. She knew what it would do and still did it and her reasoning behind her insane logic is that it's hard to go back to that life after 2.5 years. Would it suck for something to happen to my son to cause us to be in the hosptial for long periods of time again? It would suck beyond the telling of it you have no idea how much I would hate that. What I would hate worse? Losing him so I would suck it up and deal with it, knowing that life in the hosptial is far worse for him than me because he has no understanding of what's going on and he's getting poked and prodded and given glycerin tablets to make him poop. Me I would deal and that's what this woman should have done and if she didn't want to be there all the time which is perfectly understandable she should have called in reinforcements instead of posioning her child!
I just can't imagine someone doing that to a child that is already sick. It makes me so sad. I can't even be as articulate as I want to be right now I am just so......
This makes me sick and it pisses me off. How could someone do this to their own child? And what annoys me is that she whined in her blog about how hard it is to have your child in the hosptial. Yeah. It sucks; it sucks a lot but a sane person would do things to make their child better not worse. Feces in a feeding tube = worse. And now mysteriously her blog and YouTube video diary are private. Huh...not a concidence there.
I've been there it sucks to be in a hosptial with your child sick and it sucks and it stressful and you do a little crazy. However that's what the nurses and volunteers and doctors and chaplains are for. I had many of Trio's nurses look at me and bluntly tell me "You need to go for a walk and get out we'll keep a special eye/ear out for him". So I do not believe that this didn't happen to this Emily woman. And it scares me that she has two more children (who are with their father and not with her as she is in jail) and I hope that they don't have to stay with her. I hope there is some grandparent on either side that takes over because obviously this woman is not capable of taking care of her children if she was trying to kill her own child.
And that's also a point. She knew what it would do and still did it and her reasoning behind her insane logic is that it's hard to go back to that life after 2.5 years. Would it suck for something to happen to my son to cause us to be in the hosptial for long periods of time again? It would suck beyond the telling of it you have no idea how much I would hate that. What I would hate worse? Losing him so I would suck it up and deal with it, knowing that life in the hosptial is far worse for him than me because he has no understanding of what's going on and he's getting poked and prodded and given glycerin tablets to make him poop. Me I would deal and that's what this woman should have done and if she didn't want to be there all the time which is perfectly understandable she should have called in reinforcements instead of posioning her child!
I just can't imagine someone doing that to a child that is already sick. It makes me so sad. I can't even be as articulate as I want to be right now I am just so......
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Unappreciated and Not Paid
So at the beginning of the week we had a BBQ at my dad's with some old family friends that we recently found via MySpace. Since it was a holiday I will admit right off the bat that I got a little tipsy so not all my memories are exactly clear. What I do remember however is at the end of the night my husband was sitting down and I told Trio to get to Daddy to get something to eat. He stabbed his steak and sighed and was like "I'm tired of doing everything"
Excuse the fuck out of me? Don't get me wrong my husband is not usually that big of an asshole but I wanted to fucking rip his head off at that point. I took my son and drove home all the while fuming because I really wanted to know exactly what he thought he did that day. From all I can remember he did the meat on the grill and that was about it. I took care of our son all day even though he was off that day. I fielded all the dirty diapers, all the feeding, putting him down for a nap, making sure he had sunscreen on. I couldn't get in on the first round of dominoes because I was feeding oh as a bonus to this I had to clean up after my sister's dog peeing. Don't get me wrong I like dogs but I hate cleaning up after an animal that's not mine when the master is right freaking there. My sister who was also slightly inebriated didn't even notice her dog had peed. Oh but he did everything and I did nothing.
So this week I did everything. He really only had to do stuff with Trio once and that was when I went to my Mom's Book Club. Hell even last night while I was resting for a late night Casino party he dropped him off at my dad's so he could go play poker for our brother in law's birthday. And I'm willing to beat his ass hasn't even noticed that I pretty much asked him to do nothing involving the boy safe for the Book Club night. I took care of the evenings when he was home putting him down all that good stuff. As a result I have been very tired this week especially considering that I worked last night as well. And believe me I have had a lot to deal with one day even involving an unwated brown visitor during bath time and ending with a finished bath in the kitchen sink, emergency clean up of tub and toys and all that fun jazz.
I am getting really tired of people thinking I do nothing all day and here I am going to say something that has been on my mind since Trio was completely hospital free and I was able to start establishing a routine; my husband couldn't do it. He seriously could not do what I do all day everyday the way I do it. He couldn't even do it in a way that could be classified as decent. I watch the boy, take care of him and all that entails including emergency clean ups because of blow out diapers and poop in the tub. I keep on top of all the bills, when they need to be paid, how much and make sure they get paid on time. He is responsible for one bill and that is his credit card and 9 times out of 10 he can't remember to pay it on time I have to remind him. I keep up on what's for dinner, what groceries and other incidentials we need and I keep the house decent while doing it. Could he do that? A big fat fucking no sorry I really don't care how un PC that sounds it's true. Just now I found his ice cream pint top in the dish drainer on top of clean dishes. It's been there for at least one day because he that on Thursday night. So now because he forgot to throw something away I have to re-clean dishes.
It's a pain and this last week has not been fun at all since it's been really tense. I hate when things are like that but I also hate when people on the outside looking in (our friends) tell me that I'm so lucky to have him he's such a great guy. Don't get me wrong; he usually is and I am usually very happy. However I get tired of no one telling him how lucky he is to have me, how wonderful I am because I think I think I'm pretty damn awesome. I know I have my days where I can be an unbearable bitch but I do my best to make sure they are few and far between unless he does something to make me feel unappreciated like his little comment earlier this week. I'm still not over it probably because we didn't talk about it and never will since he's not really a talk-it-out kinda guy but I will be over it soon. Like I said I'm just tired of being unappreciated because I do a lot and most of my cleaning is picking up after a grown ass man especially one who was in the military. Shouldn't he be more anal than what he is? It just gets grueling and come the time when Trio is more hell on wheels he's going to start doing his own share because if I have to clean up after two men I'm going to go crazy.
Excuse the fuck out of me? Don't get me wrong my husband is not usually that big of an asshole but I wanted to fucking rip his head off at that point. I took my son and drove home all the while fuming because I really wanted to know exactly what he thought he did that day. From all I can remember he did the meat on the grill and that was about it. I took care of our son all day even though he was off that day. I fielded all the dirty diapers, all the feeding, putting him down for a nap, making sure he had sunscreen on. I couldn't get in on the first round of dominoes because I was feeding oh as a bonus to this I had to clean up after my sister's dog peeing. Don't get me wrong I like dogs but I hate cleaning up after an animal that's not mine when the master is right freaking there. My sister who was also slightly inebriated didn't even notice her dog had peed. Oh but he did everything and I did nothing.
So this week I did everything. He really only had to do stuff with Trio once and that was when I went to my Mom's Book Club. Hell even last night while I was resting for a late night Casino party he dropped him off at my dad's so he could go play poker for our brother in law's birthday. And I'm willing to beat his ass hasn't even noticed that I pretty much asked him to do nothing involving the boy safe for the Book Club night. I took care of the evenings when he was home putting him down all that good stuff. As a result I have been very tired this week especially considering that I worked last night as well. And believe me I have had a lot to deal with one day even involving an unwated brown visitor during bath time and ending with a finished bath in the kitchen sink, emergency clean up of tub and toys and all that fun jazz.
I am getting really tired of people thinking I do nothing all day and here I am going to say something that has been on my mind since Trio was completely hospital free and I was able to start establishing a routine; my husband couldn't do it. He seriously could not do what I do all day everyday the way I do it. He couldn't even do it in a way that could be classified as decent. I watch the boy, take care of him and all that entails including emergency clean ups because of blow out diapers and poop in the tub. I keep on top of all the bills, when they need to be paid, how much and make sure they get paid on time. He is responsible for one bill and that is his credit card and 9 times out of 10 he can't remember to pay it on time I have to remind him. I keep up on what's for dinner, what groceries and other incidentials we need and I keep the house decent while doing it. Could he do that? A big fat fucking no sorry I really don't care how un PC that sounds it's true. Just now I found his ice cream pint top in the dish drainer on top of clean dishes. It's been there for at least one day because he that on Thursday night. So now because he forgot to throw something away I have to re-clean dishes.
It's a pain and this last week has not been fun at all since it's been really tense. I hate when things are like that but I also hate when people on the outside looking in (our friends) tell me that I'm so lucky to have him he's such a great guy. Don't get me wrong; he usually is and I am usually very happy. However I get tired of no one telling him how lucky he is to have me, how wonderful I am because I think I think I'm pretty damn awesome. I know I have my days where I can be an unbearable bitch but I do my best to make sure they are few and far between unless he does something to make me feel unappreciated like his little comment earlier this week. I'm still not over it probably because we didn't talk about it and never will since he's not really a talk-it-out kinda guy but I will be over it soon. Like I said I'm just tired of being unappreciated because I do a lot and most of my cleaning is picking up after a grown ass man especially one who was in the military. Shouldn't he be more anal than what he is? It just gets grueling and come the time when Trio is more hell on wheels he's going to start doing his own share because if I have to clean up after two men I'm going to go crazy.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
You're Never Alone Again
I think one of the things I have really discovered in the last year or so is that once you become a mother you are never alone again. Even if you "go out" there is the ghostly presence of your child next to you, causing you to call and check in while you're out and about or go to their room first thing once you walk back into the door. However you become adept to doing things with child even if it's easier without and it's because of this I somewhat sneer at my husband and my friends. They whine about how they have to go to the store with the child and moan can't you keep them since it is easier to go without them?
Why yes; yes it is. Believe me I know how much easier it is because while my son is not that bad (yet) he still whines and cries and reaches and it would be so much easier to go without. However I do not always have that luxury (as is the case today) and when I have days like today I so much more appreciate it when I can do little things without my son underfoot. Like say grocery shopping? And today it was so much more frustrating since he refused to take a nap before we went so I finally had to corral him in his playpen so I could take a shower and then get in the car to run errands. Which of course five minutes into the car ride he fell asleep and between paying the water bill and going to HEB he got a cat nap which we all know what that does to toddlers so now he's running around all juiced up and there looks to be no nappy break for me in the near future especially since I have to work a party tonight.
Now this is not a mad at husband blog because it's not like he is sitting on his ass doing nothing; he's out in Sweetwater helping friends move back here. But still it's kinda hard when you are by yourself all week with the child and Saturdays/Sundays are the two days you get help during the daylight hours and look oh no you have to tackle one of those by yourself. It's like being told last minute at a desk job you have to come in on Saturday too bad so sad. And it's not like I hate being a SAHM (previous blog ascertained that) it's just on some days when there are things I discovered this morning I needed to do today and I was like "Fuck" when I realized that Albert would be out of town. So I'm having to do all this on a day when normally I could leave the boy at home and get all my errands done in less than two hours.
And that gets back to the meat of the blog which is that all moms are never home again. There's something about being a female that makes society think that suddenly we're expected to do it all on our own even if we're married or working. How many of my friends are working moms who work and in some cases go to school and come home and are expected to do a majority of kid duty just because? Or in the case of SAHMs who of course do nothing but sit around all day on our fat asses eating bon-bons, watching daytime TV and drinking wine (it's sarcasm people look it up)? Because we are at home people seem to think that we do nothing so it should no big deal to run around and pay bills and grocery shop with our little on in tow because our husbands work and need to rest?
I get the need to rest part; my husband works hard. So I do give him downtime and now he comes in of his own choice and plays with the boy as soon as he walks in. However women do not pregnant by ourselves; therefore on matter whether we work or not is irrelevant we should not be expected to do it all almost on our own. We need time to ourselves and even if we're doing something for the house like bills or groceries we should be able to go and do it by ourselves without having to take the kids. One of the most frustrating things when my son was in the first year is how my sister and husband would call me to go get something for them since I was at home? I finally snapped at my husband "Yes I'm at home but do you know what going out to run some asinine errand for you entails? It entails making sure the boy is clean, making sure he has formula, water, diapers, wipes and other incidentals in his diaper bag. Then I haul it all plus baby to the car and drive to the destination only to haul it all out again for a freaking five minute transaction at a convenience store only to repeat it to bring you cigarettes. You can see why that's not a good enough reason for me."
Sometimes I like to be alone; completely alone and it doesn't happen very often anymore for a couple of reasons. First off I don't really want it and second because there's just no way. Albert is once again the only worker who has the pager so he gets paged a lot so if he's not late coming home he's gotta go out because some dumbass locked themselves out of their house. And it sucks because we don't get time together alone but thems the breaks of life I realize that; it's just an ironic thing because while I bemoan never being alone I never really want to be.
Why yes; yes it is. Believe me I know how much easier it is because while my son is not that bad (yet) he still whines and cries and reaches and it would be so much easier to go without. However I do not always have that luxury (as is the case today) and when I have days like today I so much more appreciate it when I can do little things without my son underfoot. Like say grocery shopping? And today it was so much more frustrating since he refused to take a nap before we went so I finally had to corral him in his playpen so I could take a shower and then get in the car to run errands. Which of course five minutes into the car ride he fell asleep and between paying the water bill and going to HEB he got a cat nap which we all know what that does to toddlers so now he's running around all juiced up and there looks to be no nappy break for me in the near future especially since I have to work a party tonight.
Now this is not a mad at husband blog because it's not like he is sitting on his ass doing nothing; he's out in Sweetwater helping friends move back here. But still it's kinda hard when you are by yourself all week with the child and Saturdays/Sundays are the two days you get help during the daylight hours and look oh no you have to tackle one of those by yourself. It's like being told last minute at a desk job you have to come in on Saturday too bad so sad. And it's not like I hate being a SAHM (previous blog ascertained that) it's just on some days when there are things I discovered this morning I needed to do today and I was like "Fuck" when I realized that Albert would be out of town. So I'm having to do all this on a day when normally I could leave the boy at home and get all my errands done in less than two hours.
And that gets back to the meat of the blog which is that all moms are never home again. There's something about being a female that makes society think that suddenly we're expected to do it all on our own even if we're married or working. How many of my friends are working moms who work and in some cases go to school and come home and are expected to do a majority of kid duty just because? Or in the case of SAHMs who of course do nothing but sit around all day on our fat asses eating bon-bons, watching daytime TV and drinking wine (it's sarcasm people look it up)? Because we are at home people seem to think that we do nothing so it should no big deal to run around and pay bills and grocery shop with our little on in tow because our husbands work and need to rest?
I get the need to rest part; my husband works hard. So I do give him downtime and now he comes in of his own choice and plays with the boy as soon as he walks in. However women do not pregnant by ourselves; therefore on matter whether we work or not is irrelevant we should not be expected to do it all almost on our own. We need time to ourselves and even if we're doing something for the house like bills or groceries we should be able to go and do it by ourselves without having to take the kids. One of the most frustrating things when my son was in the first year is how my sister and husband would call me to go get something for them since I was at home? I finally snapped at my husband "Yes I'm at home but do you know what going out to run some asinine errand for you entails? It entails making sure the boy is clean, making sure he has formula, water, diapers, wipes and other incidentals in his diaper bag. Then I haul it all plus baby to the car and drive to the destination only to haul it all out again for a freaking five minute transaction at a convenience store only to repeat it to bring you cigarettes. You can see why that's not a good enough reason for me."
Sometimes I like to be alone; completely alone and it doesn't happen very often anymore for a couple of reasons. First off I don't really want it and second because there's just no way. Albert is once again the only worker who has the pager so he gets paged a lot so if he's not late coming home he's gotta go out because some dumbass locked themselves out of their house. And it sucks because we don't get time together alone but thems the breaks of life I realize that; it's just an ironic thing because while I bemoan never being alone I never really want to be.
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