New Year's

So we're a couple of days into 2010 and I have been thinking of a couple of things over the last month. I'm going to try to make 2010 a better year than the last two have been (although quite honestly the reason 2008 sucked so much a** was b/c of Trio's health problems which wasn't anyone's fault just a sucky lottery.) But this last year I haven't been satisfied with anything really except Trio and with a new year ahead of me I've decided to make some promises to myself to try to do this year. What's lucky about me is that my wedding anniversary is the day after New Year's so I get to celebrate a lot of things all at once. So here (in no particular order) are some of my promises:

1) Will try to not be as picky--the one thing I regret about this last year is I went to the mat on a lot of stupid stuff with Albert. I usually pride myself on being one of those where I fight when it is worth it. This year I will try to be less b*tchy w/o being a pushover and without making mountains out of molehills.

2) More patience--this is more so for my son and niece; I don't have a lot of patience for her as of late and I don't know why it is but I do anticipate it to be getting better this year especially if I have a different job than the one I am currently doing and the time I have with her will be fewer. As harsh as that sounds I do somewhat believe that with kids that are not your own you have to have time to miss them to appreciate them more. Hell sometimes you need that with your own immediate family. So I'm hoping it works out because not only could we use the money I would get from the job but I do want more patience with my niece because she is one of my special girls.

3) Be more positive--I think a lot of my stress stems from the fact that I worry a lot and I don't think that's going to change. So while I'll worry I'm going to be positive about it. Makes sense? Well it does in my mind and that's is what is important. I tend to look more towards the dark sides of things so I need to look toward the light!!

So far that is it but I am going to do it!! Especially if I get the job I'll be able to feel like I'm doing more to help and be able to spoil myself a little more and Trio instead of constantly worrying about money. I know people say "more money, more problems" but as long as we don't get too many new bills we should be fine.

Happy New Years!!

Wanting More Joy at Christmas/Road Ahead

Christmas is just a couple of days away and I'm feeling kinda blase because I'm not excited like I use to be. Maybe it's just because as of right now money is really tight for us so Albert and I had to go easy on gifts for each other (I will admit I like giving gifts but I also like getting them). Maybe it's because we didn't put our tree up as early as I would have liked. Maybe it's just because I have a lot on my mind so I don't have time to get excited.

I remember when I was younger I loved Christmas. I loved the feeling in the air, the music, the decorations, getting things for my family and friends it was just awesome.

But last year that changed. I loved that it was Trio's first Christmas and I loved that he made it because everyone knows it was touch and go there for a minute. I loved getting him gifts and getting everyone else gifts like usual.

But I hated the obligation and pressure I felt from everywhere. I hated that I was made to feel like I had to go everywhere on that day just because. It drove me crazy the pressures that people are under and since it was my first one as a parent it was a huge adjustment for me since everyone wanted to see Trio. And honestly after what happened last year, I see why suicide rates are highest at the holidays. It's just so much it's like your entire body is in a compressor between obligations, family, presents, friends parties....ARGH!!

This year is a little different. We're going to spread Christmas around on a couple of days instead of having to do everything on one day which I think makes things a lot easier. Also I also know next year is going to be different since I am trying to get a nighttime job *more on that later*. So next year money won't be so tight and I'll be able to go all out for the holiday and maybe soon I'll get my love for it back like it was when I was younger.

As for the job; here's the thing. I never really wanted to get one but I knew in the back of my mind it would make things easier. I just wanted Albert to tell me this and if that sounds weird so be it. Sometimes I need to hear that doing things will be better in the long run before I do them because while Trio wouldn't suffer Albert will since I was be working on a late schedule. And I wanted him to know this before I did anything because I didn't want to have to deal with guilt later because my work schedule was so different from his. Plus if it wasn't really going to help in the long run why do it? However he finally said it would make things easier so I'm going forward. I never wanted to be one of those women who stayed at home even though it would have been obvious to Ray Charles that they needed to get a job. I never want my family to suffer because of my selfishness I think that's wrong. So I am trying to get a job somewhere and if I get it I will let you know.

If I don't update before then Merry Christmas!!

Nerdy Glee

I am a nerd. Not in that traditional sense such as I know Star Wars or Star Trek or any of that but there are some things that send me into bouts of nerd glee!!

Such as borrowing the second season of Big Bang Theory! I love this show! I don't get any of the physics jokes (liberal arts major) but I do love the intelligent humor behind it. I love that there is a show on TV with actual intelligent jokes behind it. I seriously think Albert is going to have to buy these for me or I will bug him until he does with references to the show and jokes from the show. Of course if he buys them for me they will no doubt get worse.

What else sends me into bouts of nerd glee? Glee! The show! I squealed like a schoolgirl when they sang "Defying Gravity" on an episode. (Poor Albert). I just love the show soooo much I'm sorry I missed so much in the middle when I was going out on Wednesdays to get a break but coming on the way is repeats for the holiday season!! Whee!!

I am such a nerd! I embrace my inner nerd. And like nerds obviously I love Albert (he's a huge Star Wars nerd. Don't ask. He is just trust me). I also love the nerd books by Vicki Lewis Thompson which if you haven't read you should really try.

Nothing really deep here. Just enjoying my nerd-ness!!

Respect the Turkey!!

So I realize this blog may be late but I've noticed something over the last few years and I just have to comment on it. It shouldn't be ranty but hopefully it will be funny so enjoy.

There is a definite lack of respect for the turkey in our country which I find somewhat ironic. Everyone knows about the Pilgrims and Indians and giving thanks for you know not all the Pilgrims dying their first year here when they settled. Every year growing up, I looked forward to seeing my family for Thanksgiving since the last family holiday beforehand is Labor Day if you even get together then you know? But the poor turkey is getting ousted slowly more and more each year. Last year Majic 95.5 started playing Christmas music the day after Halloween!! Thankfully they didn't do that this year. Don't get me wrong I like Christmas carols and the holiday as much as the next girl but please can we wait until Black Friday before we go Christmas crazy? I mean come on it is just silly how quickly people change from Halloween to Christmas, forgetting that little holiday in the middle called Thanksgiving.

All this month I've been saying "Respect the turkey!" and I mean it for many reasons. Thanksgiving is important to our history as America because you know what not every country celebrates it. It's important to also really take the time to think about what you're thankful for. When our country is bursting at the seams with kids (and adults) who have everything they want and they take it for granted you need to be humbled and realize that you are fortunate because not everyone even has warm food to eat every night. It's also because many people complain of Christmas burn-out which you would expect to happen when Christmas is stuck in your face everyday from the middle of October on. Who wouldn't get burned out a little even if it takes years for it to take place? Christmas is a time of joy and giving yet people hate the holidays because of the overkill it gets.

I challenge everyone next year to try respecting the turkey. No Christmas decorations or music until Black Friday and see if you look at Christmas with the shiny bright eyes that children do. It may surprise you the change you feel when you don't overdo it.

Whiny Blog

*Warning: This is going to be a whiny blog. Sorry if you don't like it but I don't do it very often, it's my blog, and I want to whine. Feel free to stop reading if you feel like it though I don't mind*

For the most part we've been fortunate enough to afford me staying at home but as of the last few months it seems like we will no longer be that fortunate. I mean a whole bunch of stuff has fallen upon us such as this crap with the car which we thought was a water pump but turns out to be a nasty crack in the radiator not to mention a sensor and thermostat needing to be replaced since it overheated already. So that is going to cost us a pretty penny which will go on the credit card and it just seems to be another drop in an overflowing bucket.

I mean we're still pretty far from our limits on the cards so I suppose I should be grateful since a couple of friends are already at their limit and have tons of credit card debt. If you look at it that way then we're pretty damn good because our debt is really not that much. However it still sucks that our money is so tight lately that we can't even go out on a date night somewhere cheap because we can't afford it. And it sucks because it seems like karma is just giving us the big old middle finger which is very frustrating you know because we've helped out people before and we've done good things for family when they needed help and you would think the universe would be nice to us or something and I realize that you don't do good things as a tally I know this but it still doesn't stop the suckiness.

And I know people are thinking "Paige don't you have a degree?" and yes, yes I do but do you know what it's in? Creative Writing; do you know why people become authors? Because they're creative yes and they like to write yes and let's be honest another quality is liking to drink I do have all these qualities but another reason is because they're okay with people but no one would ever call them social butterflies by any means and I'm that way. I have friends I go out it's not like I'm a hermit but sometimes I like being alone and sometimes I am socially awkward in new situations and it sucks but I can't help that. I'm a homebody and I like to be alone sometimes and writing is a good way to do that. So yes Virginia I have a degree but it's in a degree where most of the time I am at home, looking at a computer screen and getting my ideas down on paper. And until I feel proud enough of a manuscript to actually send it out to find an agent I'm boned because I'm stuck in an endless rut it feels like.

Don't get me wrong I like my degree and I am very proud of it but I'm also realistic enough to realize that with the degree I have I can't go into an office an expect to get a damn good paying job. I know that this too shall pass and Casino season is around the corner so I'll get a little bit more money and that I might get an agent and all this will be something to laugh about.

But I can't pretend it doesn't suck a lot and I can't pretend that I'm overjoyed at looking for a job where I'm stuck in an office away from my child and my husband at night. Whine whine whine piss piss piss moan moan moan.

And I'm done. Thanks.

To Daycare or To Not Daycare.

Okay I have touched this briefly in blogs before but in light of so many people bugging me about I have to get on a soapbox and rant for awhile. If you've read any of my rants before you know what you're in for if not well here we go.

I HATE HATE HATE how everyone seems to think that they should constantly share their opinion when it comes to how to raise a child and whether you should go back to work or not. While I know I may have to get a job I am looking for one that is as much opposite Albert's schedule as humanly possible without actually being a graveyard shift so we don't have to put Trio in daycare. Why you ask? Why not, people say. Your child really should be in daycare, they say.

Lemme tell you something. Telling a SAHM that her child needs to be in daycare for social/developmental/whatever reason you can possibly think of is on par with telling a working mom she should keep her butt at home and take care of her child. See? How's that sound? Not so nice when the shoe is on the other foot is it? It sounds harsh and judgemental doesn't it? Well that street runs both ways and don't you for a second doubt it. It's different strokes for different folks and having worked in daycare I have no earthly desire to put my child into any daycare I don't care how good it is. It's not even necessarily because of the germs or kids getting left behind in a classroom because honestly mistakes like that happen. The main reason is it's too damn expensive. It is too expensive for what you get and you don't get a lot because whenever there is something new and fun coming along like guests to entertain the kids or going on field trips guess what? You have an increase in tuition or have to pay a "special" price just for Spring Break, Winter Vacation, Summer Holiday, blah blah blah. That's more money that you have to pay in addition to the arm and leg that daycare is already costing you.

Plus the turnover is atrocious mainly because they sometimes hire little teenagers who think "Oh daycare" and think it is just playing with cute babies and freak out the first time they have to change a dirty diaper of (gasp) clean up puke!! I am so not a girly girl therefore I don't need nor want a girly girl taking care of my son because he's all boy meaning there will be puke, pee, poop, blood and yes sometimes various combinations of all of the above. You have people who have been there so long they just don't care to tell the teacher you relieves them anything so you go pick your kid up and the teacher honestly can't tell you why there is a bite mark on your child because she wasn't informed of it. Or you have lazy teachers who don't do anything to help or clean so it all falls on one person and as luck would have it that's the teacher who actually wants to make it fun but now they have no time.

I like staying at home with my son. Yes sometimes he drives me up the wall especially with my car being out of commission but you know what? I wouldn't trade it. Why would I at this age? If he was in school it would be one thing but he's not. Why work at a job that I have lukewarm feelings towards at best only to have a large percentage of my check go to daycare? Yes if you're like a lawyer then daycare is not that big of a dent but for us other people it is.

Bottom line is this; some people like be working moms some don't. Some people are content to stay at home and others are bored out of their minds. The thing we choose. The women's movement back in the sixties wasn't necessarily for the right to work although that was a big hunk. It was for the right to choose what we, as women, as mothers, as wives wanted to do. We didn't want the options to disappear once we got married and suddenly we were house women doing nothing but cooking, cleaning, and popping out babies. If we wanted to work we wanted to choose to work. If we were fine staying at home well that's all well too. But no you have Femi-nazis making you feel horrible when you want to stay home giving you diatribe like "You need to work and your child should be in daycare"

Bump. That.

I choose to stay at home. I have many friends who choose to work. Neither option makes us better mothers than the other one because we're still mothers. We still worry about our child when they're coughing a lung up in their sleep, we still cuddle and comfort them when they fall or when they're sick or when they have hurt feelings from a friend. We still love our children more than anything in the world no matter if we punch in a time clock or our child's babbles are our alarm clock. And people need to realize that and stop perpetuating this fight between working moms and moms who stay at home because all it is the end is a decision that you made because you felt it was right for you and your family in the long run. I've given you the reason why I don't like daycare but not everybody has that experience. Some people love the daycare their kids go to and that's great because you have to feel completely comfortable in that situation. However it's not for me.

And I feel I should add if you are one of those constantly trying to get friends to defer to your side whichever it may be you need to stop and think if you're really happy in the position you choose and stop picking on the other side. Because if you're so certain that your choice was the best that you make others feel bad when they don't make the same one then maybe you're not as certain you made the right decision as you want others to believe.

*steps off box*

I'm done.

Pitfalls of Parenting and Gift Giving

As Christmas and his birthday approach, I realize Trio is about to be bombarded with lots of presents which should inspire me to go through toys (and clothes) and get rid of a lot of stuff. Which I will...soon...eventually...maybe...

But it also made me realize part of the annoying parts of being a parent is dealing with gifts from well meaning people. I mean how many parents of daughters out there really like the Bratz dolls? Come on be honest....tell you what, I'll start. I think they're whores. Little bitty whores with big creepy eyes and if I had a daughter there is no way in h-e-double hockey sticks I would let my daughter have one. Barbie I can deal with only because at least she aspires to be something like a doctor or an astronaut. Bratz? No they're just horrible.

And therein lies a problem if people don't listen to you when you say "Hey don't buy that I don't like that toy for my child" and when they ignore you and get it guess what either you have to compromise your beliefs and let the child have it or be the bad guy. Karma doesn't play which is why I always ask parents when buying gifts "Is there anything you don't want them to have?" because I want it to be paid forward for me.

My thing? I hate Spongebob Squarepants. There I said it. Whether it is because for one month at CCY the kids on the Big Floor watched that video...every...single...day or because I honestly believe it makes kids stupid I hate Spongebob. I don't even let Trio get a glimpse of it and I had to have an awkward moment with my dad the other day (awkward for me anyways to tell him hey don't do this) when I said "We don't let him watch Spongebob" after walking in one day and it being on the TV. Seriously when I saw it on the TV and knew my son was in the vicinity I shuddered. I hate it that much.

So now with Christmas and the birthday rolling around I am going to have to tell people "Nothing Spongebob". See I don't mind returning a gift or exchanging it if it doesn't fit or if he already has it or if it is, say, the product of someone I think makes kids stupid. Anything else I'm fine with. Do I relish the idea of him getting a football and being brought up like most Texans boys that football is a religion and your priorities should be "God, football, everything else?" No...but I will take it over Spongebob any day of the week.

The pitfalls of being a parent is when no one listens to you and then by the time they do you've already snapped at them because they keep on ignoring you when you say something thinking you're not serious. Well for all those out there, friends and family believe me when I say that if you buy him Spongebob it's going back so why waste your money? I mean I listen to others; my sister actually told me no Bratz for my niece and I said "Well I wouldn't anyways sooooo" because yeah no. So please remember that in this gift giving season when someone tells you they don't want their child to have something there is a reason for it.

And be warned that what goes around comes around; buy my kid Spongebob and when it's your turn I will get the most annoying toy I can find with NO switch to turn it off.