Wanting More Joy at Christmas/Road Ahead

Christmas is just a couple of days away and I'm feeling kinda blase because I'm not excited like I use to be. Maybe it's just because as of right now money is really tight for us so Albert and I had to go easy on gifts for each other (I will admit I like giving gifts but I also like getting them). Maybe it's because we didn't put our tree up as early as I would have liked. Maybe it's just because I have a lot on my mind so I don't have time to get excited.

I remember when I was younger I loved Christmas. I loved the feeling in the air, the music, the decorations, getting things for my family and friends it was just awesome.

But last year that changed. I loved that it was Trio's first Christmas and I loved that he made it because everyone knows it was touch and go there for a minute. I loved getting him gifts and getting everyone else gifts like usual.

But I hated the obligation and pressure I felt from everywhere. I hated that I was made to feel like I had to go everywhere on that day just because. It drove me crazy the pressures that people are under and since it was my first one as a parent it was a huge adjustment for me since everyone wanted to see Trio. And honestly after what happened last year, I see why suicide rates are highest at the holidays. It's just so much it's like your entire body is in a compressor between obligations, family, presents, friends parties....ARGH!!

This year is a little different. We're going to spread Christmas around on a couple of days instead of having to do everything on one day which I think makes things a lot easier. Also I also know next year is going to be different since I am trying to get a nighttime job *more on that later*. So next year money won't be so tight and I'll be able to go all out for the holiday and maybe soon I'll get my love for it back like it was when I was younger.

As for the job; here's the thing. I never really wanted to get one but I knew in the back of my mind it would make things easier. I just wanted Albert to tell me this and if that sounds weird so be it. Sometimes I need to hear that doing things will be better in the long run before I do them because while Trio wouldn't suffer Albert will since I was be working on a late schedule. And I wanted him to know this before I did anything because I didn't want to have to deal with guilt later because my work schedule was so different from his. Plus if it wasn't really going to help in the long run why do it? However he finally said it would make things easier so I'm going forward. I never wanted to be one of those women who stayed at home even though it would have been obvious to Ray Charles that they needed to get a job. I never want my family to suffer because of my selfishness I think that's wrong. So I am trying to get a job somewhere and if I get it I will let you know.

If I don't update before then Merry Christmas!!

Nerdy Glee

I am a nerd. Not in that traditional sense such as I know Star Wars or Star Trek or any of that but there are some things that send me into bouts of nerd glee!!

Such as borrowing the second season of Big Bang Theory! I love this show! I don't get any of the physics jokes (liberal arts major) but I do love the intelligent humor behind it. I love that there is a show on TV with actual intelligent jokes behind it. I seriously think Albert is going to have to buy these for me or I will bug him until he does with references to the show and jokes from the show. Of course if he buys them for me they will no doubt get worse.

What else sends me into bouts of nerd glee? Glee! The show! I squealed like a schoolgirl when they sang "Defying Gravity" on an episode. (Poor Albert). I just love the show soooo much I'm sorry I missed so much in the middle when I was going out on Wednesdays to get a break but coming on the way is repeats for the holiday season!! Whee!!

I am such a nerd! I embrace my inner nerd. And like nerds obviously I love Albert (he's a huge Star Wars nerd. Don't ask. He is just trust me). I also love the nerd books by Vicki Lewis Thompson which if you haven't read you should really try.

Nothing really deep here. Just enjoying my nerd-ness!!