Welcome Five.

It amazes me that Trio has not even been five for a whole month yet (even factoring in February's shortness) and already I can see the traits and characteristics that go with being five. Or at least the ones I noticed from when I was working at "The Daycare" (as I shall call it now since if I ever get to be famous writing I don't want to get sued for using the name in my stories. Which reminds me I should go back and edit all those blogs).

Anyways I digress.

Let me back up and give a story about my somewhat trepidation with the age of five. When I was still at "The Daycare" and I was in my last few months of pregnancy and pretty much a floater since I couldn't work with toddlers what with having to pick them up all the time, the room I was in a majority of the team was Pre-School. A room full of five-year olds. Now the thing in particular about this room is that they hadn't had a steady teacher for a long time and the person who was suppose to take over (no names) decided about halfway through trying to take over they didn't want to and was always looking to pop out. So they would send other teachers in, including me a majority of the time, into this room that without structure was basically chaos is in a class cube.

And it sucked.

Five can be a fun age. Five is the age they start really talking, start remembering memories, and the fun part of bargaining, which can be cute on some levels. However five year olds also need structure – gone are the days where kindergarten is just playing with clay and blocks if it ever even was that way. And what helps to cement this structure aside from a schedule of “We do this at this time and that at that time” is a consistent teacher who is always there with the exception of when they are sick. Why? Because if you have revolving door of teachers (in any class really) but especially at that age where personalities are fully formed and they are coherent and conscious of what they do kids are unsteady and unsure and they act out and you have....chaos in a class cube.

So frustrating and stressful I was in this classroom with all that factored in that I had a nightmare (yes I will call it that) about my son being born and they handed me a five-year old and I was like “Uh no that's not my baby”. Their response was “Yes it is congratulations.” And I was like “No really...I had a newborn baby...I'm not ready for that yet.” Which is not to say that these kids were hellions. They really weren't for the most part. Most of them were on their good days the sweetest kids on the face on the Earth. But with no structure, no lesson planning (because let's be real going into that classroom you could attempt lessons so much before you gave up because they weren't use to it and you can't up the rules in the middle of the game for that age because they don't get it and it is flat out not fair to punish because they don't), that class was a nightmare and the fact that after I expressed displeasure, after I expressed the stress (which was also a health factor given my advanced and pregnancy and family history) that I was continued to be put in there not because there wasn't enough people but because the person who was suppose to be in that classroom just didn't want to be, that I was still shoved in there was a factor into me not going back there after having my son. The pay (which was atrociously low and the fact that even with my “discount” my paycheck would have been all for naught) was most of it but that did not help.

Pre-school and kindergarten teachers are angels on Earth. I'm not wired to deal with a classroom full of five year olds. Believe it or not you give me toddlers and I'm solid. I may not have been the best toddler teacher and yes I know I tripped up but I loved that age. I love the wonderment in their eyes and the pure unadulterated love that comes from that age. And I can deal with dirty diapers, falling accidents, and puke from kiddos there. But massive amounts of five-year olds not something I can do and I appreciate Trio's teachers now. I appreciate his kindergarten teacher whomever that may end up being because I couldn't do it. I don't think that makes me weak or any less maternal. I believe a big part of being a good person is know where your strength and weaknesses lie. This going to be a challenging year for me with Trio because already he is showing all the signs of a five-year old that are the bittersweet combo of challenging and rewarding. He has such a strong personality (more on that on his blog) most of which I am told he gets from me. Now that he is bad but he's one of those if he doesn't want to do something and isn't interested you're gonna have a hard time (me). He is one of those that if he doesn't understand why he has to do something he will fight to have to do it (me). And he is argumentative (me).

Behavior wise I know I was a good kid. I wasn't a fighter, a back talker, I didn't skip class all that much and I kept my grades up. On that level I have nothing to fear from Trio. But with his personality, and bargaining, and having to do things he doesn't want to do just because and all those other things mentioned above? Yeah on that level—I can hear my Mom and Dad laughing from heaven just waiting to see how this all plays out.

Doctor's Visits

Today I took what I term is the first step into trying to get more healthy. I made doctor's appointments I had been putting off since October. I know, I know...I'm terrible.

But the thing is I was referred from my OBGYN since the doctor I had as my General Practioner decided to leave the practice to spend more time with her family. I was sad but I understand. The only thing is the only doctors left there seem to be males and I prefer female doctors whether they are looking at my lady bits or telling me the stuff your GP normally does (it's been awhile since I've been can you tell?) Anyways it was for someone to check out my blood because of my history with clots since Trio (and I guess to get checked out to make sure it's not a thryoid or DVT or something like that) and a gastro-internal person for possible issues with my not-but-could-possibly-be-there nuerofibromatosis. (That's a mouthful right?)

I put it off because money was a factor because I wasn't sure it was going to be covered. Plus and I'll be a straight shooter I don't want something stuck up my bum. There you go that's my I'm going to the gastro-whatever doctor to check for polyps. And that does not sound like fun. At all. Plus I'm still not sure the gastro dude is covered but I will call my insurance later (or tomorrow) to find out.

But I did it for two main reasons--one to be healthy. The other? It's coming up on when I need to get my IUD replaced so I will have to go back to my OBGYN and I don't want to go without seeing those two because frankly--she intimidates the hell out of me. o.0 Which is kind of good with doctors but not when you don't do what they tell you.

Still waiting to hear back from the OBGYN actually -- last time I brought up my IUD they tried to say it wasn't covered. So I called my insurance all hellfire and brimstone since I was already dealing with issues from them (the dental version) not covering crap with Trio and the big price tag that had. But I found out it *was* covered and I have an insurance code to use so if they try to say it's not covered again I got something for them!! Also if they give me crap I'll just be like okay well make this a removal (which I know is covered because even they said that) and then we can just talk about cheaper and what is covered forms of birth control for me. Because I'm not dropping that much to get this puppy replaced.

I will keep you posted!!

New Year. Changes

So now it is 2013 and I am ready to face the year head on. I will admit that 2012 wasn't as bad as the previous years but there were definite ups and downs I had to deal with more so with my job and the changes that have gone down there. But I have made it through and I am ready to focus this year on a few things to help make me a better person and ultimately happy. For various reasons in the last few years I haven't been always happy and it could be because just everything that happened with Albert losing his job, having to move, losing Dad -- but I realize that a lot of how you view the world is based on the energy you put out and just how you let things affect you and I'm going to work on that. So here is how I am starting out 2013 and my goals:

First is I let go of all my old grudges. I can hold a grudge and onto anger and anyone who knows me can tell you this. But as with every year, I let it go once January 1st hits and this is no exception. Anyone who was on my shit list for most of 2012 has a clean slate. Which is not to say that they can't get back on (let's be real) -- but I will be nice and let go of all past hurts.

I want to lose weight. I'm not healthy and I know I'm not and I'm almost 30 and I don't want to die too young because I want my time with Albert and Trio. So I am going to work on being healthier, losing weight, and eatting better. I think just changing the food I eat will work (not a lot of fried food sadly) and I need to drink more water than I currently am. I also will start working out as in moving around more. I'm not a regimented exercise girl because it bores me. I would rather dance to the Wii or walk around my neighborhood when the weather is warmer and swimming in the summer. I don't smoke and I don't drink soda. I drink true but even then I only drink in excess like once every three months. Plus I feel that losing weight will help me happier. I don't care how shallow that sounds when you feel good you're happy. If you don't feel good you're not happy. Logical, no

I am going to try to start writing more (I know this has been pinned to my board for the last three years). But I have a plan to make it work that does involve getting a new laptop or notebook with tax refund money. That way I can take it around and write more both blogging and my stories. Because that will help me to do what I want to do, even if it is only a side job from my "day" job. Which leads me to my other goal which is figuring out what I want to do at my company. I am getting to the points where I need to work on moving where I want to there so I can continue to be happy and not fall into a stalemate. Because ultimately I do love my job and where I work I just feel my strengths may be appreciated somewhere else as well.

And there you have it!! What are your goals because if you don' want to make resolutions (and why would anyone want to if they are just going to break them) I do feel you should have goals. New years are new starts and we should always take advantage of it. ^_^