To Daycare or To Not Daycare.

Okay I have touched this briefly in blogs before but in light of so many people bugging me about I have to get on a soapbox and rant for awhile. If you've read any of my rants before you know what you're in for if not well here we go.

I HATE HATE HATE how everyone seems to think that they should constantly share their opinion when it comes to how to raise a child and whether you should go back to work or not. While I know I may have to get a job I am looking for one that is as much opposite Albert's schedule as humanly possible without actually being a graveyard shift so we don't have to put Trio in daycare. Why you ask? Why not, people say. Your child really should be in daycare, they say.

Lemme tell you something. Telling a SAHM that her child needs to be in daycare for social/developmental/whatever reason you can possibly think of is on par with telling a working mom she should keep her butt at home and take care of her child. See? How's that sound? Not so nice when the shoe is on the other foot is it? It sounds harsh and judgemental doesn't it? Well that street runs both ways and don't you for a second doubt it. It's different strokes for different folks and having worked in daycare I have no earthly desire to put my child into any daycare I don't care how good it is. It's not even necessarily because of the germs or kids getting left behind in a classroom because honestly mistakes like that happen. The main reason is it's too damn expensive. It is too expensive for what you get and you don't get a lot because whenever there is something new and fun coming along like guests to entertain the kids or going on field trips guess what? You have an increase in tuition or have to pay a "special" price just for Spring Break, Winter Vacation, Summer Holiday, blah blah blah. That's more money that you have to pay in addition to the arm and leg that daycare is already costing you.

Plus the turnover is atrocious mainly because they sometimes hire little teenagers who think "Oh daycare" and think it is just playing with cute babies and freak out the first time they have to change a dirty diaper of (gasp) clean up puke!! I am so not a girly girl therefore I don't need nor want a girly girl taking care of my son because he's all boy meaning there will be puke, pee, poop, blood and yes sometimes various combinations of all of the above. You have people who have been there so long they just don't care to tell the teacher you relieves them anything so you go pick your kid up and the teacher honestly can't tell you why there is a bite mark on your child because she wasn't informed of it. Or you have lazy teachers who don't do anything to help or clean so it all falls on one person and as luck would have it that's the teacher who actually wants to make it fun but now they have no time.

I like staying at home with my son. Yes sometimes he drives me up the wall especially with my car being out of commission but you know what? I wouldn't trade it. Why would I at this age? If he was in school it would be one thing but he's not. Why work at a job that I have lukewarm feelings towards at best only to have a large percentage of my check go to daycare? Yes if you're like a lawyer then daycare is not that big of a dent but for us other people it is.

Bottom line is this; some people like be working moms some don't. Some people are content to stay at home and others are bored out of their minds. The thing we choose. The women's movement back in the sixties wasn't necessarily for the right to work although that was a big hunk. It was for the right to choose what we, as women, as mothers, as wives wanted to do. We didn't want the options to disappear once we got married and suddenly we were house women doing nothing but cooking, cleaning, and popping out babies. If we wanted to work we wanted to choose to work. If we were fine staying at home well that's all well too. But no you have Femi-nazis making you feel horrible when you want to stay home giving you diatribe like "You need to work and your child should be in daycare"

Bump. That.

I choose to stay at home. I have many friends who choose to work. Neither option makes us better mothers than the other one because we're still mothers. We still worry about our child when they're coughing a lung up in their sleep, we still cuddle and comfort them when they fall or when they're sick or when they have hurt feelings from a friend. We still love our children more than anything in the world no matter if we punch in a time clock or our child's babbles are our alarm clock. And people need to realize that and stop perpetuating this fight between working moms and moms who stay at home because all it is the end is a decision that you made because you felt it was right for you and your family in the long run. I've given you the reason why I don't like daycare but not everybody has that experience. Some people love the daycare their kids go to and that's great because you have to feel completely comfortable in that situation. However it's not for me.

And I feel I should add if you are one of those constantly trying to get friends to defer to your side whichever it may be you need to stop and think if you're really happy in the position you choose and stop picking on the other side. Because if you're so certain that your choice was the best that you make others feel bad when they don't make the same one then maybe you're not as certain you made the right decision as you want others to believe.

*steps off box*

I'm done.

Pitfalls of Parenting and Gift Giving

As Christmas and his birthday approach, I realize Trio is about to be bombarded with lots of presents which should inspire me to go through toys (and clothes) and get rid of a lot of stuff. Which I will...soon...eventually...maybe...

But it also made me realize part of the annoying parts of being a parent is dealing with gifts from well meaning people. I mean how many parents of daughters out there really like the Bratz dolls? Come on be honest....tell you what, I'll start. I think they're whores. Little bitty whores with big creepy eyes and if I had a daughter there is no way in h-e-double hockey sticks I would let my daughter have one. Barbie I can deal with only because at least she aspires to be something like a doctor or an astronaut. Bratz? No they're just horrible.

And therein lies a problem if people don't listen to you when you say "Hey don't buy that I don't like that toy for my child" and when they ignore you and get it guess what either you have to compromise your beliefs and let the child have it or be the bad guy. Karma doesn't play which is why I always ask parents when buying gifts "Is there anything you don't want them to have?" because I want it to be paid forward for me.

My thing? I hate Spongebob Squarepants. There I said it. Whether it is because for one month at CCY the kids on the Big Floor watched that video...every...single...day or because I honestly believe it makes kids stupid I hate Spongebob. I don't even let Trio get a glimpse of it and I had to have an awkward moment with my dad the other day (awkward for me anyways to tell him hey don't do this) when I said "We don't let him watch Spongebob" after walking in one day and it being on the TV. Seriously when I saw it on the TV and knew my son was in the vicinity I shuddered. I hate it that much.

So now with Christmas and the birthday rolling around I am going to have to tell people "Nothing Spongebob". See I don't mind returning a gift or exchanging it if it doesn't fit or if he already has it or if it is, say, the product of someone I think makes kids stupid. Anything else I'm fine with. Do I relish the idea of him getting a football and being brought up like most Texans boys that football is a religion and your priorities should be "God, football, everything else?" No...but I will take it over Spongebob any day of the week.

The pitfalls of being a parent is when no one listens to you and then by the time they do you've already snapped at them because they keep on ignoring you when you say something thinking you're not serious. Well for all those out there, friends and family believe me when I say that if you buy him Spongebob it's going back so why waste your money? I mean I listen to others; my sister actually told me no Bratz for my niece and I said "Well I wouldn't anyways sooooo" because yeah no. So please remember that in this gift giving season when someone tells you they don't want their child to have something there is a reason for it.

And be warned that what goes around comes around; buy my kid Spongebob and when it's your turn I will get the most annoying toy I can find with NO switch to turn it off.

All Over Rambling

I've forgotten how annoying it is to wait to hear from a place where you put in an application. I didn't have to do that with CCY; I came down for a weekend, interviewed, and pretty much had the job when I was on the road back to Houston to finish getting ready to move back to Austin. I mean, my friend Marie told me that I shouldn't worry; I have a degree so I am a good addition. This is true but now businesses won't hire you if they feel you're overqualified for something. I applied to Hastings bookstore, and to be a Sales Executive for Parent Wise: Austin and I'm thinking of applying to Twin Liquors. At this point I am somewhat desperate because we're going to need more money soon and casino season is looking like it is not going to be nearly as good as last year.

I also put on my Facebook that if you need help writing papers I'll help. True I might get twelve year olds who have to write book reports but hey if they want to pay the $15-$30 depending on how hard it is and how much time it takes why not? I helped Marie write her resignation letter the other day so I feel confident it is something I can do especially considering English was my major and even though the emphasis was on creative writing I spent a lot of time having to write papers on non-creative stuff. Plus I do want to be a writer; I am even participating in NaNoWriMo this year for the first time (I attempted last year but with Trio still under a year and the eventful year we had I just didn't have the energy) so maybe that will help too. I do like staying at home with Trio and if I have a job I can do from home where I make decent money I'm all about that. Even when/if we have another one and they're both in school I wouldn't mind staying at home and writing or doing something else.

Here's the thing; you may be thinking I'm one of those "typical" SAHMs who want to do nothing but stay at home all day even when they kids are in high school. Not true although if I can work and I do emphasis WORK from home why not? Why not be there to help with homework or hear if they had a problem in school that day? However if it is not possible I will get a job even if I can't be home when they get off work. Do I want my kids to be latchkey? No I don't however if it is necessary I will teach the ways of being a latchkey which is just logic and only necessary if I don't know my neighbors at all so there's no one else who can help keep an eye on them. That's the joy of living in a close neighborhood; you get help when you need it.

So basically I'm trying to find a job, one of which involves staying at home and will (maybe hopefully) lead into a job writing columns or articles for one of the best known parenting magazine in Austin which would be more awesome than Hastings because of base pay and commission and no tempting employee discount when it comes to buying books although I will take Hastings. I'm writing a book for NaNoWriMo and I'm thinking about if I need to really get a job in four years when Trio is in school.

Morning thoughts are always all over the place.

Returning to Work (?)

I turned in an application to Hastings yesterday and I am very excited about it. I did originally want to go to Blizzard but upon reflection it seems that Hastings is more me. I told them I would be available to start work December 1st so hopefully everything will work out for me.

The hardest part of this so far was telling the mother of the little girl I babysit that I had to turn in an application.

I'm not very a confrontational person. Stop laughing, I hear you, I'm serious. When I actually do confront somebody about something then it has been boiling awhile and when it gets too much is when I blow up and really tear someone a new one. So telling the woman this was hard for me. I anticipated yelling, insults, etc but she took it well. I am one of those people that I tend to think the worst will come out of a situation which is probably one of the reasons I hate confrontation so much. But it also that I forgot that this woman, for all her flaws and shortcomings (which everyone has don't get me wrong) understands doing what is best for you and yours and that sometimes you have to make small sacrifices to help out in the long run.

And that's what I'm doing. While part of me understands the huge benefits of working (we can pay off bills quicker, maybe can think about getting a house, etc) I do hate that I'm going back to work not even two years after Trio was born. What's a little more of a bitter pill is that, while part of me wants to stay at home, part of me wants to work. Whether it's because my husband is inadvertently (or on purpose) making me feel like a bum or I just need something really productive to do with part of my time so I don't feel so effing crazy. Plus the whole money thing is really big; I know it seems like I'm obsessed with money but I don't like living just barely making it I like to have my bills paid and then some for emergencies or even just fun like going out on date nights to eat or to the movies.

So keep your fingers crossed for me on this job; hopefully I will get it.

Possible Job Hunting

It's looking like I might have to consider getting a job soon. It's something I've thought about for awhile but it is starting to look like it might be better for everything in my life if I have something else outside of the house to occupy my time. I am feeling a little stifled on some levels.

Part of me feels bad because I flat out don't want to put Trio in daycare. I've been on that side and even though I'm not thinking all daycares I realize the position those teachers are in sometimes and I don't want to put anyone through that. For example when my kid is running a 103 degree fever and my boss won't let me out I don't want my child to be miserable without me and to expose kids to him and his germs. However I know how daycares turnover rates are as in my first year as lead in the toddler room before I left for maternity I went through about five afternoon teachers and that constant stream in and out is just not gonna work for me. So I have to get a night job or a work at home because while I'm sure I need the time out of the house and the stimulation I refuse to budge on putting him in daycare.

Starwood Hotels has a work at home option for reservations people but they need you to be free between 10 am and 12 midnight which is so not gonna happen with a toddler running around. Right now the best option is a night job which I don't mind but it's just figuring out what night job will work for me. Blizzard (the game company) is an option because they have round the clock shifts but the drawback of that is no time with hubby. However that is one that is the forerunner as of right now since it would still give me time with Trio.

But today I got an email with another option via Casino Knights; two actually one for a dining staff a la banquet and that one is part time and regular. The other one which may not work out well unless I can do it mainly on weekends is a rental car driver and cleaner. So I sent off my info on that one and am just waiting to see what happens. Here's hoping though because it is looking like a job will help all around. I'll keep you posted.

When It Rains, It's a Monsoon

There is that saying, "When it rains, it pours" meaning when you have one trouble a whole heap of it comes your way. Well in my case it doesn't stop at pouring it's like a tropical storm. Case in point this last week:

My car shits on me on Tuesday while I'm picking up the little girl I babysit from her school. Long story short it's overheating and we need to replace the water pump. We waited until today to call around because we so did not have the money to pay for it. As a result of the car not running I can't go out of town to see my brother like I wanted to. However it gets better; from what I can ascertain unless we get a deal from someone it's going to cost almost $300 for the labor alone not to mention the part that needs to be replaced. So on top on all the other bills we have due at this time of the month we have to worry about repairing our car. Happy happy joy joy.

On top of everything else this week, the little girl I babysit has been kind of a pill all week (hopefully it will pass tomorrow) Albert and I had a fight last night about something stupid (more on that in a later blog because it is an even bigger issue) and then this morning you know what happened on Trio's end if you read his blog. It has been a hard day I will give it that. And that's what got me to thinking about me and the person I am.

People have always commented to me on how strong I am; I was able to deal with my mother dying at a young age, being almost a complete outsider during my entire teenage years, and then having my husband go over to Iraq twice the second time being really in the thick of it. (I should note that I know a lot of people are going through this but it's for my whole point so bear with me). But I realized it's because when things happen in my life, whether they're changes big or small it's never really just one thing it's a whole bunch. When my mother passed I had to deal with that, plus moving to Houston to live with my aunt for a year so my dad could learn how to get it together on his own. So in addition to learning how to live without my mother, I was in a new place with new people with an aunt who hadn't dealt with pre-teen girls since her own daughter was one and that had been awhile back. Even when I came back it was hard because I went to two different schools in two years where the kids had been together since kindergarten and I was an outsider and thus had no friends.

That's just one thing. Like I knew this week was gonna be stressful on Tuesday but when you factor in how much has happened since then it makes me wonder if I'm strong because it's my genetics or I'm strong because I've been trained to be that way. And I bet other people are like this; when bad shit happens it's not a little turd here and there it's like a huge dump after eating bad Mexican food. So why the small saying? Shouldn't it be something like "When it rains it's a monsoon" or "When it rains run before it floods!". Problems never like hanging out alone they always bring friends. Tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way because if I am then maybe I just do attract problems like a bug zapper.

Birth Order Drawbacks

It has been a recognized fact that your birth order has some affect on your personality. For example first borns tend to leaders, and a little aggressive while remaining people pleasers. Middle children often feel overlooked and tend to be the complete opposite of their older sibling while babies tend to be be spoiled, financially irresponsible, and somewhat helpless.

Well I am the "baby" and I have to say that while I will own being spoiled and bratty sometimes, I am not a typical "baby" in most ways. However, there is one aspect of being a last born that I can't seem to shake. It feels like no one listens to what I have to say and my opinion is deemed unimportant and treated like it doesn't matter because oh I'm the "baby" and these types of decisions have to be made for me rather than with me. And I must say it gets increasingly frustrating because I'm tired of it. I'm 26 freaking years old you can talk to me about things that are going to affect me if I need an opinion I'll ask for it but otherwise please believe I'm a big girl and can handle it.
And when I give my opinon it's like talking to brick wall because people ignore it and ask me the same damn thing they asked me five months earlier forgetting or ignoring the fact that I've already given my two cents on the topic. I feel like I'm repeating myself all the time because decisions I thought had already been made will come up again later on.

It's getting really annoying to feel like all people hear when I talk is the Charlie Brown trumpet. It's getting to the point where I'm like "Screw it do what the hell ever" because it's not like my opinion means anything; obviously if it did the same damn topics wouldn't be coming up over and over again. It seems like I will never escape the baby aspect of my life where no one listens to me because they think I don't know anything. I really don't know what to do about it but it's getting really old.