The other night my husband and I got into a discussion that didn't end with me feeling happy. It was about food and the cooking of it. I admit that I don't do a whole lot of stuff from scratch. I tend to buy prepackaged and boxed meals for the quickness and convenience. So for whatever reason that I can't even remember how it got to that it felt like he criticized my cooking skills because I use that convenience citing you couldn't really call it cooking it was basically just warming up.
And that of course upset me.
I can cook. I can cook and bake very well thankyouverymuch. I just don't do it all the time. And while I would like to say it's because I have no time I know that is not true. Usually I'm just lazy and don't want to go to the trouble of cooking something so complex unless there's a reason for it. Sometimes I feel guilty but a lot of times I don't simply because there is a reason there are convenient boxes like that. I may be a SAHM but that doesn't mean I want to half of my day cooking something for dinner.
However it upset me so much that I told him "Fine. I'll start making things from scratch all we have to buy is meat and spices and some sides and we'll see how well this works out in the long run". And while I do realize it is a good thing in the long run it is pride that caused me to say that. I felt like he was attacking my domestic skills and that is very annoying because I feel I do a lot better than most women in my position. So what if I don't always cook from scratch? So what if sometimes I make Hamburger Helper and some frozen veggies for dinner? What's the big deal?
Plus cooking from scratch is a little frustrating in this house because of what I "can't" cook; all the good recipes are cut in half b/c he doesn't eat seafood. He doesn't eat tomatoes, or onions either so I can't make stuff like that unless the taste is really hidden or I can substitute something. I realized this when I checked cookbooks out of the library the other day. While I am going to continue on in my new way of thinking, I do anticipate a lot of frustration and bickering b/c of what I can't make with his preference. Because eventually what will happen is I will make something with onions or tomatoes and just tell him to spit it out because it makes the food as a whole taste better.
If nothing else this should be interesting.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Home Again Jiggety Jig
So I'm back in Pflugerville from my trip to Houston. I had an awesome time there and I learned a few things along the way such as the Houston Children's Museum is a TWO adult job because of the age gap between my niece and son. I enjoyed driving through the old Alma Mater (although next time I go to H-town I am so getting down and walking around) and enjoyed getting my son some UH gear so come football time he can support my team!
However as stated before being back there was somewhat bittersweet. I remembered my time there and all the years and memories I made. I had my own special places I liked to go there and it was weird being back knowing that it wasn't my life or home anymore.
Now I know most people think Houston is a cesspool but I loved it there. While I'm not sure I would want to move back anymore because of all the violence I heard about going on there in my one week I wouldn't mind going and visiting more often.
But now I'm back home and I need to get ready for the school year and baby sitting again. Not to mention it is going to be Casino season again and I will really be enjoying that money especially since we're trying to pay off all our credit card debt which is not as bad as some others. It will just be a way to start off fwhat my normal routine is during the school year. That and more meetups which will be awesome for Trio.
I guess this whole trip showed me that home is where you make it. I enjoyed my time away but I was happy to get back even if both the coming and going were bittersweet.
However as stated before being back there was somewhat bittersweet. I remembered my time there and all the years and memories I made. I had my own special places I liked to go there and it was weird being back knowing that it wasn't my life or home anymore.
Now I know most people think Houston is a cesspool but I loved it there. While I'm not sure I would want to move back anymore because of all the violence I heard about going on there in my one week I wouldn't mind going and visiting more often.
But now I'm back home and I need to get ready for the school year and baby sitting again. Not to mention it is going to be Casino season again and I will really be enjoying that money especially since we're trying to pay off all our credit card debt which is not as bad as some others. It will just be a way to start off fwhat my normal routine is during the school year. That and more meetups which will be awesome for Trio.
I guess this whole trip showed me that home is where you make it. I enjoyed my time away but I was happy to get back even if both the coming and going were bittersweet.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Houston!!
So I am currently in Houston for a couple of days to visit some old college friends and take a break from Austin. I have Trio as well as my niece and father with me (Albert opted not to come as he hates Houston with the passion of a thousand fiery suns). I wondered how it would be coming back here after being away for so long.
For those who do not know I went to school here at the University of Houston. So this is the first place I lived apart from my immediate family and the first place I had a life of my own. Many people don't get that is part of my love for Houston. I must admit I got a little nostalgic when I saw the 610/59 split I use to take to head to UH coming from Austin. I got to meet with a friend (SO AWESOME TO SEE HER) and go to H.O.P or House of Pies.
And I do miss it here. Most people think of Houston as a festering hole of smog and crime but....this is the first place I had a life of my own. Houston will always have a place in my heart and as such it will always be special to me. I miss it here I miss it a lot to the point where part of me would love to move back although it would never happen (see note on Albert above).
So all I can do is enjoy the time I have here before next week creeps up on me and school begins and as such my babysitting job which I am grateful for as I do need more of an income flow on my part. I am loving the time with Trio here even more even though the heat is sapping him. Tomorrow we should be going to the Aquarium Downtown (I will post on his blog if that happens) and I want to go to the Children's Museum I may just suck it up and pay the $7.00 per person.
Like I said it's just a little hard being here because it does hurt a little to fully know that the Houston part of my life is over. I love being a mommy don't get me wrong but I would like being a mommy here too. It's just one of those things I guess that will always be a little bittersweet.
For those who do not know I went to school here at the University of Houston. So this is the first place I lived apart from my immediate family and the first place I had a life of my own. Many people don't get that is part of my love for Houston. I must admit I got a little nostalgic when I saw the 610/59 split I use to take to head to UH coming from Austin. I got to meet with a friend (SO AWESOME TO SEE HER) and go to H.O.P or House of Pies.
And I do miss it here. Most people think of Houston as a festering hole of smog and crime but....this is the first place I had a life of my own. Houston will always have a place in my heart and as such it will always be special to me. I miss it here I miss it a lot to the point where part of me would love to move back although it would never happen (see note on Albert above).
So all I can do is enjoy the time I have here before next week creeps up on me and school begins and as such my babysitting job which I am grateful for as I do need more of an income flow on my part. I am loving the time with Trio here even more even though the heat is sapping him. Tomorrow we should be going to the Aquarium Downtown (I will post on his blog if that happens) and I want to go to the Children's Museum I may just suck it up and pay the $7.00 per person.
Like I said it's just a little hard being here because it does hurt a little to fully know that the Houston part of my life is over. I love being a mommy don't get me wrong but I would like being a mommy here too. It's just one of those things I guess that will always be a little bittersweet.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Repetition of Housewivery
It is an endless vicious cycle that keeps going and going and there never seems to be an end in sight.
It's the cleaning of a house.
I realize I may sound overdramatic but it's true; it seems like no matter how much I clean the next day everything looks horrible again like I didn't do anything at all the day before (more especially in the living room where all of Trio's toys are); and this is only with one kid! My goodness I can't imagine how chaotic life would/will be if/when I have more!! Or even animals!! Although honestly at this point it is looking like no pets for us at least not for a long while; I have no desire to have a yet another living thing to clean up after on a daily basis.
But it just seems to never end. And I hate some house chores like nothing else, cleaning bathrooms being one. I HATE cleaning bathrooms and it's not sociological thing having to do with my race or gender; it is just when I shared a bathroom with my sister she had a very specific way she liked it cleaned and as she was the older one and usually the one in charge it had to be her way or it was wrong. And it's because of this I hate cleaning the bathrooms; toilets are acceptable only because they're easy now but of course once Trio gets potty trained and misses then it also may be a big pain in the ass. Although I do admit I'm gonna be a mean mom; at 12 if you're still "missing" and pissing on the toilet rim, body, or floor you're cleaning your own damn bathroom.
Then there's laundry which is not bad I don't mind folding so much usually because I wash often enough where I don't have to spend an hour folding. Cooking I like I don't mind the dishes so much I do wash them by hand b/c our dishwasher sucks and since I wash them by hand I wash them everyday (with the exception of the weekends when we eat out at a family or friend's house). But it's the repetition of cleaning that's annoying.
Day in day our same thing and while I realize this is part and parcel of being a SAHM sometimes it sucks. You get tired from cleaning you really do. People who don't clean as often or those who have maids don't get it but it wears you out. Bending to sweep and pick up the stuff in a dustpan, mopping, loading up laundry and taking them out of the dryer. Then there's the drawbacks like getting bleach on your clothes when cleaning, trying to make sure your child doesn't get underfoot (I usually implement the playpen and some educational TV and got at it), and sometimes not having it appreciated. That's what really sucks is when people think that just because you're a SAHM you sit on your ass all day eating bon-bons, watching soaps and doing nothing. I don't need recognition but sometimes it's nice especially when I do something like clean both bathrooms on the same day which I never really do only because I'm good enough to get one day before Trio is saying (in baby language) "Pay attention to me!"
I also do a lot with Trio. We go out swimming or on playdates I think we may go to a children's museum soon so he can have some hands-on activity. I wear him out and myself out in the process and sometimes I take a nap when he does but sometimes I clean and do house stuff. Thus begins the repetition. And the cycle. And it will all begin again tomorrow.
It's the cleaning of a house.
I realize I may sound overdramatic but it's true; it seems like no matter how much I clean the next day everything looks horrible again like I didn't do anything at all the day before (more especially in the living room where all of Trio's toys are); and this is only with one kid! My goodness I can't imagine how chaotic life would/will be if/when I have more!! Or even animals!! Although honestly at this point it is looking like no pets for us at least not for a long while; I have no desire to have a yet another living thing to clean up after on a daily basis.
But it just seems to never end. And I hate some house chores like nothing else, cleaning bathrooms being one. I HATE cleaning bathrooms and it's not sociological thing having to do with my race or gender; it is just when I shared a bathroom with my sister she had a very specific way she liked it cleaned and as she was the older one and usually the one in charge it had to be her way or it was wrong. And it's because of this I hate cleaning the bathrooms; toilets are acceptable only because they're easy now but of course once Trio gets potty trained and misses then it also may be a big pain in the ass. Although I do admit I'm gonna be a mean mom; at 12 if you're still "missing" and pissing on the toilet rim, body, or floor you're cleaning your own damn bathroom.
Then there's laundry which is not bad I don't mind folding so much usually because I wash often enough where I don't have to spend an hour folding. Cooking I like I don't mind the dishes so much I do wash them by hand b/c our dishwasher sucks and since I wash them by hand I wash them everyday (with the exception of the weekends when we eat out at a family or friend's house). But it's the repetition of cleaning that's annoying.
Day in day our same thing and while I realize this is part and parcel of being a SAHM sometimes it sucks. You get tired from cleaning you really do. People who don't clean as often or those who have maids don't get it but it wears you out. Bending to sweep and pick up the stuff in a dustpan, mopping, loading up laundry and taking them out of the dryer. Then there's the drawbacks like getting bleach on your clothes when cleaning, trying to make sure your child doesn't get underfoot (I usually implement the playpen and some educational TV and got at it), and sometimes not having it appreciated. That's what really sucks is when people think that just because you're a SAHM you sit on your ass all day eating bon-bons, watching soaps and doing nothing. I don't need recognition but sometimes it's nice especially when I do something like clean both bathrooms on the same day which I never really do only because I'm good enough to get one day before Trio is saying (in baby language) "Pay attention to me!"
I also do a lot with Trio. We go out swimming or on playdates I think we may go to a children's museum soon so he can have some hands-on activity. I wear him out and myself out in the process and sometimes I take a nap when he does but sometimes I clean and do house stuff. Thus begins the repetition. And the cycle. And it will all begin again tomorrow.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Insecurities
When I was younger I wasn't really popular. You may not know it from the stunning social life I have now (hardy har har) but my middle school years are pretty much a black hole in my memory as I've blocked them out they were so miserable for me. I mean I was the girl everyone made fun of in school and if I were in middle school now I would have probably been on some sort of watch list to make sure that I didn't go crazy and try to take out all the populars.
High school was a little better because by that time I didn't give a shit. If you didn't like me boo fucking hoo what do I care I had people who wanted to be around me. But the double edged sword to this was when my friends acted like they didn't want to hang out with me I got sensitive and defensive and usually had a big blowout with them accusing them of not wanting to be my friend anymore and telling them if that was the case then they could go ahead and take themselves out of my life.
In hindsight I realize that it was just life. That's what happens it starts in high school to prepare you for when it happens in the real world and life just takes you in opposites directions and paths. Does that make it a bad thing? No because one of the friends that the aforementioned scenario happened to is now one of my dear friends again. However I think because of my extraordinary experience in middle school (and I say that because I really don't know many other people that this happened to save for the few friends I had those years) I am always self conscious and think everyone hates me.
Yes it's sad but it's true. I can't let that part of my personality go. I think people really don't want to hang out with me, whether they're the friends from my Mom's Group or the ones I've had for years. I think they talk about me once I leave the room. I think they think I'm the worst mother in the world (although I do KNOW some disapprove of my mommy-ing methods but that's a blog for another time). And I can't stop myself no matter how foolish it seems. It is always something that's going to be part of me and the way I am.
I believe that no matter how old you get your insecurities stay with you. You can be pencil thin now but if you were the fat kid in school it sticks with you. One of my things was my hair. It grew out in an Afro when I was younger and I had to put so many chemicals in it to get it to grow down including a whole semester in braids to get it to grow. Because my hair got so much grief I didn't cut it pretty much at all from my 8th grade year until my sophomore year of college. Yeah it's pretty now and people are envious of the curls; but when I was ten it was the bane of my existence and even to this day sometimes I yearn for straight hair.
It sucks sometimes ti know that no matter how old you get your past insecurities are always apart of me, like some gruesome growth on your personality that pops up at the most unwanted times. However I know that if my life wasn't the way it was I may not be where I am now. I might not be the person I am and although I have my flaws like everyone else I think I'm mostly good. And that's what I can be grateful for whenever my insecurities rear their ugly heads and try to make me second guess myself. Because I do know I'm a likeable person for the most part. I know that at this point in my life if people really didn't like they wouldn't be around either at their discretion or mine because I'm not really that dumb and I can tell (usually) when people don't like me. I know that I don't get to hang out with my friends as often as two years ago BT (Before Trio) and that's just life and the demands of motherhood. I don't like getting a babysitter every weekend to go out and act like some 21 year old who has no responsibilities because I know I do. I also know they have kids and are in the same position and are just sometimes just plan tired from life and work. I have to remind myself of this whenever those ugly insecurities come to call.
Because I'm a woman; I'm a wife, mother, trying to be a writer to make things a little easier for my family. Because I'm good at what I do and I do those things damn well. Because I'm older and (somewhat) wiser about how people are and know that 9 times out of 10 they hate you because they ain't you and you have something they want. And because I'll be damned if I let my insecurities run my life now like they did when I was younger.
High school was a little better because by that time I didn't give a shit. If you didn't like me boo fucking hoo what do I care I had people who wanted to be around me. But the double edged sword to this was when my friends acted like they didn't want to hang out with me I got sensitive and defensive and usually had a big blowout with them accusing them of not wanting to be my friend anymore and telling them if that was the case then they could go ahead and take themselves out of my life.
In hindsight I realize that it was just life. That's what happens it starts in high school to prepare you for when it happens in the real world and life just takes you in opposites directions and paths. Does that make it a bad thing? No because one of the friends that the aforementioned scenario happened to is now one of my dear friends again. However I think because of my extraordinary experience in middle school (and I say that because I really don't know many other people that this happened to save for the few friends I had those years) I am always self conscious and think everyone hates me.
Yes it's sad but it's true. I can't let that part of my personality go. I think people really don't want to hang out with me, whether they're the friends from my Mom's Group or the ones I've had for years. I think they talk about me once I leave the room. I think they think I'm the worst mother in the world (although I do KNOW some disapprove of my mommy-ing methods but that's a blog for another time). And I can't stop myself no matter how foolish it seems. It is always something that's going to be part of me and the way I am.
I believe that no matter how old you get your insecurities stay with you. You can be pencil thin now but if you were the fat kid in school it sticks with you. One of my things was my hair. It grew out in an Afro when I was younger and I had to put so many chemicals in it to get it to grow down including a whole semester in braids to get it to grow. Because my hair got so much grief I didn't cut it pretty much at all from my 8th grade year until my sophomore year of college. Yeah it's pretty now and people are envious of the curls; but when I was ten it was the bane of my existence and even to this day sometimes I yearn for straight hair.
It sucks sometimes ti know that no matter how old you get your past insecurities are always apart of me, like some gruesome growth on your personality that pops up at the most unwanted times. However I know that if my life wasn't the way it was I may not be where I am now. I might not be the person I am and although I have my flaws like everyone else I think I'm mostly good. And that's what I can be grateful for whenever my insecurities rear their ugly heads and try to make me second guess myself. Because I do know I'm a likeable person for the most part. I know that at this point in my life if people really didn't like they wouldn't be around either at their discretion or mine because I'm not really that dumb and I can tell (usually) when people don't like me. I know that I don't get to hang out with my friends as often as two years ago BT (Before Trio) and that's just life and the demands of motherhood. I don't like getting a babysitter every weekend to go out and act like some 21 year old who has no responsibilities because I know I do. I also know they have kids and are in the same position and are just sometimes just plan tired from life and work. I have to remind myself of this whenever those ugly insecurities come to call.
Because I'm a woman; I'm a wife, mother, trying to be a writer to make things a little easier for my family. Because I'm good at what I do and I do those things damn well. Because I'm older and (somewhat) wiser about how people are and know that 9 times out of 10 they hate you because they ain't you and you have something they want. And because I'll be damned if I let my insecurities run my life now like they did when I was younger.
Monday, June 29, 2009
My Birthday
Last week was my birthday. On the actual day I went to see Mamma Mia! at Bass with two friends. Friday Albert took off and we went to the Metzner pool in Pflugerville with our son and niece and went to see Transformers: Rise of the Fallen, and this weekend I celebrated by going to Pluckers and bowling with more friends and family (BTW if you have large parties at Pluckers I recommend outside seating. It's not too hot b/c it's covered plus they have misters that mist water all over you so it's not too bad). I had a FANTASTIC time. Mamma Mia! was awesome and just so much fun with the poppy Abba tunes and the brightly colored spandex outfits and I had a great time singing along in my head and laughing with my friends. It was great spending time alone with my husband and son and watching them interact at the park and it was great having one on one time with him at the movies. I had a great time at Plucker's and bowling was awesome and I had a blast.
And at the risk of sounding selfish I was so glad that I was able to actually do something on my birthday this year. Two years ago I was pregnant so I couldn't get drunk but I did bowl (albeit not really well since I wasn't suppose to lift heavy stuff). Last year Trio was recovering from heart surgery and we almost were discharged on my birthday but actually ended up getting out on the day after. So my birthday I was in the hospital room and went out just to dinner with my sister. I have to admit that I was grateful to have something to do on my birthday that was for me. I was so paranoid to call attention to it b/c then I knew something would happen and I would have to not do anything. I got into that habit last year in the hospital; it felt like every time I would celebrate b/c we might be getting out we'd have to stay an extra few days. So this year I didn't call attention to it.
But I am so grateful that I was able to do something. And that's not all. I'm grateful that here it is, a year after open heart surgery and my son is fine. Here it is a year after where I didn't know if he would make it or not and I am going through all the stages I wasn't sure I would to experience with my wonderful son. While my life is crazy sometimes and frustrating I do know how lucky I am in some respects if not in all but this weekend helped me to realize it. I have a good marriage and while everyone may not understand why I do the things I do or he does if we're okay with it that's all that matters. We're able to make it by on one income and that's great b/c if I get a part-time job we should be doing really fantastic.
But most of all I have my boys the two men in the world who mean so much to me with the exception of my father. And this weekend with them made everything I go through that's hard worth it.
And at the risk of sounding selfish I was so glad that I was able to actually do something on my birthday this year. Two years ago I was pregnant so I couldn't get drunk but I did bowl (albeit not really well since I wasn't suppose to lift heavy stuff). Last year Trio was recovering from heart surgery and we almost were discharged on my birthday but actually ended up getting out on the day after. So my birthday I was in the hospital room and went out just to dinner with my sister. I have to admit that I was grateful to have something to do on my birthday that was for me. I was so paranoid to call attention to it b/c then I knew something would happen and I would have to not do anything. I got into that habit last year in the hospital; it felt like every time I would celebrate b/c we might be getting out we'd have to stay an extra few days. So this year I didn't call attention to it.
But I am so grateful that I was able to do something. And that's not all. I'm grateful that here it is, a year after open heart surgery and my son is fine. Here it is a year after where I didn't know if he would make it or not and I am going through all the stages I wasn't sure I would to experience with my wonderful son. While my life is crazy sometimes and frustrating I do know how lucky I am in some respects if not in all but this weekend helped me to realize it. I have a good marriage and while everyone may not understand why I do the things I do or he does if we're okay with it that's all that matters. We're able to make it by on one income and that's great b/c if I get a part-time job we should be doing really fantastic.
But most of all I have my boys the two men in the world who mean so much to me with the exception of my father. And this weekend with them made everything I go through that's hard worth it.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Father's Day
Since yesterday was Father's Day I decided to write about the idea of Fatherhood today. There are some facts that boggle me about father's and I wanted to get them out and say my opinion about the whole thing.
I remember reading a couple of years ago on a Trivial Pursuit card (yes I am such a nerd) that Father's Day is the one day of the year where the most collect calls are put through. I was somewhat unnerved by that. I mean how are you going to call your dad collect on his day? It just seems wrong. Then there was an article in the Statesmen a couple of years ago that said that when children are left in the car and end up dying that fathers get more leniency then the mother; meaning that dads tend to get off with lighter sentences and/or probation while mothers get long years. And it went on to say that most people have the mentality that mother's are doing nature's work and dad's are just basically facilitators whenever they watch the kids.
Which I think is crap; quite honestly there's no other way to put it. Fathers are parents too it doesn't matter that they weren't the one to carry the child around during the gestation period they are parents. I tell my hubby many a times I didn't conceive Trio on my own it was a two person effort and parenting is a two person job. I find it annoying when people say dad's are "babysitting" when they watch the kids; one of my friends teased Albert about that awhile back when I was going out with some friends that he was on babysitting duty and I said flat out "That's bullshit he's not on babysitting duty he's on daddy duty it's his son too". It's like no matter what that society is still in the fifites where the mom does everything with the child and the father earns the money. It's even worse if you happen to be in the position like mine where the mom stays at home people just assume you should do everything. And I do a lot but I draw the line at doing everythign because what I do is work I just don't get paid for it. You know it's work when you can be gone for like an hour and when you get back there is chaos strewn everywhere in the form of toys because they didn't notice.
Last December I went to The Nutcracker with a friend and left the kids with the husbands. When we got back to my place it was trashed and I was pissed; because the older boy had taken out all the toys from the toybox and dumped them on the floor and because he had gotten a stamp and stamped all over the hallway wall and door. And I asked Albert later "What the hell were you two doing that not only did he make a mess but he was able to mark up the door? Seriously did you not look up at all in the two and half hours I was gone?" And that really upset me because I should not get to go away to work or have fun and come back to drama and chaos in the form of a messy house because whoever was in charge wasn't observant to notice and make the children clean up after themselves. That's just how I look at it while staying at home is hard a lot of it is common sense. Should a toddler have an open marker or stamp and be left unobserved where they can write anywhere? How 'bout no?
I don't agree with deadbeat dads not paying child support (or parents in general b/c let's be honest there are some shitty mothers out there) but on that other side it seems society treats fathers like they're walking sperm donors and not actual parents. Everything in society seems to say the only thing a dad is good for is giving money and that's just not true. While there is nothing you can do about parents that are just messed up and aren't right there is something we can do to make good dads feel as important as they are. Don't be cheap and call you dad collect any day unless you're in jail. If a dad leaves a child in the car all day b/c he "forgot" he should just as much jail time as a mother would. Dads watching kids while the moms goes out is not babysitting it's being a parent. We need to recognize that in the parental process dads are just as important as mothers are and it's time for this double standard to stop where dads are made to feel like they're more inferior to mothers.
You're probably wondering if I feel this way while I admonished my husband in December. It's because I expect from him what I expect from me in terms of parenting and I was disappointed that happened because I feel he should have been more observant then what he was. We're in this together and I have to be able to trust that if I go out of town that everything will be somewhat smooth when I get back. I try to make him accountable for what happens on his watch because I'm accountable for what happens on my watch. I don't let him feel like a babysitter I make him feel like a father and that works for us. I admit I was different at first; I called and worried that he was doing things wrong and all that jazz. He told me it made him feel bad because it made him feel like I was second guessing him and his parenting skills and I had to work on that. I encourage everyone else to as well. Let's recognize fathers for the wonderful parents they are.
I hope everyone had a happy Father's Day!!
I remember reading a couple of years ago on a Trivial Pursuit card (yes I am such a nerd) that Father's Day is the one day of the year where the most collect calls are put through. I was somewhat unnerved by that. I mean how are you going to call your dad collect on his day? It just seems wrong. Then there was an article in the Statesmen a couple of years ago that said that when children are left in the car and end up dying that fathers get more leniency then the mother; meaning that dads tend to get off with lighter sentences and/or probation while mothers get long years. And it went on to say that most people have the mentality that mother's are doing nature's work and dad's are just basically facilitators whenever they watch the kids.
Which I think is crap; quite honestly there's no other way to put it. Fathers are parents too it doesn't matter that they weren't the one to carry the child around during the gestation period they are parents. I tell my hubby many a times I didn't conceive Trio on my own it was a two person effort and parenting is a two person job. I find it annoying when people say dad's are "babysitting" when they watch the kids; one of my friends teased Albert about that awhile back when I was going out with some friends that he was on babysitting duty and I said flat out "That's bullshit he's not on babysitting duty he's on daddy duty it's his son too". It's like no matter what that society is still in the fifites where the mom does everything with the child and the father earns the money. It's even worse if you happen to be in the position like mine where the mom stays at home people just assume you should do everything. And I do a lot but I draw the line at doing everythign because what I do is work I just don't get paid for it. You know it's work when you can be gone for like an hour and when you get back there is chaos strewn everywhere in the form of toys because they didn't notice.
Last December I went to The Nutcracker with a friend and left the kids with the husbands. When we got back to my place it was trashed and I was pissed; because the older boy had taken out all the toys from the toybox and dumped them on the floor and because he had gotten a stamp and stamped all over the hallway wall and door. And I asked Albert later "What the hell were you two doing that not only did he make a mess but he was able to mark up the door? Seriously did you not look up at all in the two and half hours I was gone?" And that really upset me because I should not get to go away to work or have fun and come back to drama and chaos in the form of a messy house because whoever was in charge wasn't observant to notice and make the children clean up after themselves. That's just how I look at it while staying at home is hard a lot of it is common sense. Should a toddler have an open marker or stamp and be left unobserved where they can write anywhere? How 'bout no?
I don't agree with deadbeat dads not paying child support (or parents in general b/c let's be honest there are some shitty mothers out there) but on that other side it seems society treats fathers like they're walking sperm donors and not actual parents. Everything in society seems to say the only thing a dad is good for is giving money and that's just not true. While there is nothing you can do about parents that are just messed up and aren't right there is something we can do to make good dads feel as important as they are. Don't be cheap and call you dad collect any day unless you're in jail. If a dad leaves a child in the car all day b/c he "forgot" he should just as much jail time as a mother would. Dads watching kids while the moms goes out is not babysitting it's being a parent. We need to recognize that in the parental process dads are just as important as mothers are and it's time for this double standard to stop where dads are made to feel like they're more inferior to mothers.
You're probably wondering if I feel this way while I admonished my husband in December. It's because I expect from him what I expect from me in terms of parenting and I was disappointed that happened because I feel he should have been more observant then what he was. We're in this together and I have to be able to trust that if I go out of town that everything will be somewhat smooth when I get back. I try to make him accountable for what happens on his watch because I'm accountable for what happens on my watch. I don't let him feel like a babysitter I make him feel like a father and that works for us. I admit I was different at first; I called and worried that he was doing things wrong and all that jazz. He told me it made him feel bad because it made him feel like I was second guessing him and his parenting skills and I had to work on that. I encourage everyone else to as well. Let's recognize fathers for the wonderful parents they are.
I hope everyone had a happy Father's Day!!
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