The Play's the Thing/Greener Grass

So I went to see Rent on Sunday with a couple of my friends. I love Rent. It is by far my favorite musical of all time, followed closely by West Side Story. Now as a result of going to Rent I want to see more plays. I have plans on my birthday to go see Mamma Mia! and then Wicked on it's opening night of August 12th. All in all I am very excited.

I use to act. In high school I was a complete liberal arts nerd and let's face it I still am kinda now. I acted in high school, was President of my Theatre Troupe called the Golden Myth Players (or GMPs for short) but I was also in my orchestra where I was first chair violist from my sophmore year. I miss the art in my life. I miss playing so desperately and I miss acting. In fact I'm trying to get involved in both again on some level; my friend is apart of the Vortex theatre company and I asked him to let me know when they have open auditions because I would like to try out. It's one of those things where I think I need something for myself that is apart from my husband and my son to make my life a little less crazy.

Because while I do love being a mother and wife I can't help but feel that with the lack of artistic catharsis. Sure I write; point of fact I have a written manuscript that I would love to be able to clean up and send out in hopes that it will get published. I have an idea for a memoir based on the first year of my son's life because I went through so much in that year, the first four months alone. I have ideas bouncing around in my head all the time for what would make good stories, screenplays, TV shows everything; my problem is I never get a real moment to write them because when I have a moment to myself I am either writing an article for Associated Content which the pay scale sucks but I do get paid. And it's a vicious cycle because AC also gets me in the habit of writing on a regular basis but I end up writing articles for them and nothing for me personally. Sad but true.

Typical response from most people is go get a job. Well once was kinda offered to me recently; thing is I don't want it. It would be another daycare but a daycare starting out from the ground going from theat rough transition from home to daycare daycare and the lady doesn't really seem to know what she wants to do. She wants someone there to work 8-6:30. Well no; I still want time to spend with my son where I not tired because I've been dealing with other people's spawn all day. Plus she is not sure how she is going to do the pay thing and my issue I DO NOT want a job where the taxes aren't already taken out; I saw how it screwed my in-laws two years ago with the paper route and no thank you because if I am still the somewhat SAHM mom I am now (I do have a job but it's a seasonal thing) we will need that big tax refund next year to pay off the other credit card we have.

Another thing is this: I read this on author Stephanie Klein's blog awhile back; it's one thing to be the type of mother you are whether it is working or staying at home and envying the other side.
Envy is something we will do no matter what position we're in. However actually going out there and changing what you are? That's a whole different ball game. I would not want to be a working full time mom; I would not want to fight with employers to go home because my child is sick and I have to go get him. I would not want to miss first everythings and I would not want someone else raising my child with their ideals because in all honesty (and I don't mean to be judgemental here) unless it is a nanny situation where you can tell her what you want her to do, someone else is giving your child their morals. It sucks but it's kinda true. I love having the luxury of staying home with my son I like being there for him every day. Do I wish I could somehow make money? Hell yes; I think if any President nominee came out and said that they would make sure SAHMs got some kind of pay out for doing what they do that person would have a damn good chance of being the next President. However we're not hurting for it; we can't go out and do fun stuff all the time because of bills but we make it. And there are some friends of mine who they both have jobs and they're struggling so really what's the point in that case? Either way you struggle so why not just stay at home?

So I stay at home because ultimately I wouldn't want it any other way. I think I toy with the idea of jobs because I feel people's judgement on me that I have a degree I should be working I shouldn't be staying at home. But my degree is in Creative Writing which is what I am trying to do so in a way I am using it. I know I probably imagine the judgement because I'm paranoid like that. Don't get me wrong; if I ever needed to get a job because we weren't making it anymore I might be upset and jealous of the other women in my life who had the luxury of staying at home for 5-10 years but I would suck it up and do what I have to do to make sure my family doesn't want for anything because that's the type of person I am. I wouldn't like it but I would do it and that also gives me an extra boost. Plus there's always part time night jobs I could take when his dad was home and that way one of us is always with him.

So I think of that and I stay where I am because it's where I want to be.