New Year. Changes

So now it is 2013 and I am ready to face the year head on. I will admit that 2012 wasn't as bad as the previous years but there were definite ups and downs I had to deal with more so with my job and the changes that have gone down there. But I have made it through and I am ready to focus this year on a few things to help make me a better person and ultimately happy. For various reasons in the last few years I haven't been always happy and it could be because just everything that happened with Albert losing his job, having to move, losing Dad -- but I realize that a lot of how you view the world is based on the energy you put out and just how you let things affect you and I'm going to work on that. So here is how I am starting out 2013 and my goals:

First is I let go of all my old grudges. I can hold a grudge and onto anger and anyone who knows me can tell you this. But as with every year, I let it go once January 1st hits and this is no exception. Anyone who was on my shit list for most of 2012 has a clean slate. Which is not to say that they can't get back on (let's be real) -- but I will be nice and let go of all past hurts.

I want to lose weight. I'm not healthy and I know I'm not and I'm almost 30 and I don't want to die too young because I want my time with Albert and Trio. So I am going to work on being healthier, losing weight, and eatting better. I think just changing the food I eat will work (not a lot of fried food sadly) and I need to drink more water than I currently am. I also will start working out as in moving around more. I'm not a regimented exercise girl because it bores me. I would rather dance to the Wii or walk around my neighborhood when the weather is warmer and swimming in the summer. I don't smoke and I don't drink soda. I drink true but even then I only drink in excess like once every three months. Plus I feel that losing weight will help me happier. I don't care how shallow that sounds when you feel good you're happy. If you don't feel good you're not happy. Logical, no

I am going to try to start writing more (I know this has been pinned to my board for the last three years). But I have a plan to make it work that does involve getting a new laptop or notebook with tax refund money. That way I can take it around and write more both blogging and my stories. Because that will help me to do what I want to do, even if it is only a side job from my "day" job. Which leads me to my other goal which is figuring out what I want to do at my company. I am getting to the points where I need to work on moving where I want to there so I can continue to be happy and not fall into a stalemate. Because ultimately I do love my job and where I work I just feel my strengths may be appreciated somewhere else as well.

And there you have it!! What are your goals because if you don' want to make resolutions (and why would anyone want to if they are just going to break them) I do feel you should have goals. New years are new starts and we should always take advantage of it. ^_^

Ramblings

There is no real reason for this post aside from I'm updating mine as well as Trio's. I really need to get back into the habit of writing on a regular basis and I've said that forever but it has become abundantly clear to me with everything that has been going on with my life, family, and in-laws that I don't want regrets. I don't want 10 years down the road to never have published something not because I'm not good at it because I am. There are very few things (very few) that I'm actually prideful about myself on and writing is one of them. Also playing the viola so if I am ever able to take that back up and actually be in some kind of symphony even if it's like a tiny one in Pflugerville I'd be the bomb at it.

Anyways though I need to get on the ball. Because while I love my job and would love to stay at the *company* for the far forseeable future I do not want to stay in my current *position* too much longer if I can avoid it. It's a job at that level and not a career. And if I can't then I want to write because that will give me leave to stay at home and make a little bit of money as well. Plus it would be doing something that I love. I just need to stop procrastinating and being my own worst critic and enemy and get on it. Hell even if it is just a self-publish through Amazon it's there. So I need to get on the ball.

Work is okay. New team, new shift (well new to y'all...I've been doing it since June but obviously not blogging about it). New expansion was released which means a whole lot of work but hey being busy makes the day go back faster. My weekend is now Tuesday/Wednesday which is kind of blargh for the most part; but I'm not there on reset and patch days and that is a big bonus. Truthfully if I had gone for a day shift I would have wanted Tuesdays off for that reason. Just sucks when you're still a Night Stalker and you have that particular weekend. Oh well....I'll manage after all. It's only for about 9 more months anyways.

Home life is okay. We're still living together and we haven't moved to a bigger place because the time is not right. I understand that and all but my gosh I'm drooling over the day Trio has his own bedroom and bed. While I'm not naive enough to think he'll stay there all night at first I am optimistic enough that at least he'll *start* the night there. And maybe if he has his own cool stuff (lik the Dream Light Pillow Pet puppy he wants) it will give more of an incentive.

Because honestly even as much as she drives me bat crap crazy just being my sister I know we're going to live together for a bit. It works out in both of our favors. Case in point with the hubby being in Oklahoma for family issues, I don't have to worry about getting a baby sitter for Trio when I go in; she has to try to get off early but since it's only for a few days and we live where she works it's no biggie. Just like she doesn't have to worry about childcare for her daughter or if she has to work late paying that fee (and it is high...you're talking a dollar for every minute you're late after they close) because one of us is always here. We're getting into a better routine though I think mainly because my sister and I are communicating more, which if you know us in real life you know it's a major step even if it is oh say 10 years later than it should have happened.

And on that note I'm off for now. I'm actually debating with the idea of another blog, related to books as in reviews of books, genres, authors, etc...but I'm going to chew on it a bit before I decide to. Although if I do I'll be sure to let y'all know. :)

Techno-Whore Tendencies

So I find myself becoming one of these. It started out gradually and something I was able to stop for a long time. I was one of those people who was like "Naw I don't need the brand new techno gadget out there. I'm fine with my basic Nokia phone that just calls people."

Then it graduated to texting, which now is pretty much my chosen way of contacting people. Not that I don't mind talking to people directly; it's just that with my work schedule and what I need to do during the day before I go into work, sometimes it's catch as catch can. Anyways for awhile I went back when I had the pay as you go phone. The the hubby was like "Let's get a plan". Then we went to Sprint and then I had a basic walkie talkie phone. So I had calling, texting, and walkie talkie.

Then the first year and upgrade came and I got a Clutch (which is essence is really a crap-tacular phone that I did NOT recommend at all considering I've had it for about two years and it had to be replaced with a refurbished one twice....the second of which I had to pay for). But in our honeymoon period I adored my Clutch. I was able to get on Facebook; check my email as well as text and talk. It was amazing.

Then hubby asked "Do you want a Kindle?" for which I was resistance for a long time. Not necessarily becasue I'm anti e-book because in my opinion a book is a book. Whatever you read it online, on your computer, on a tablet or in paper format you're reading and that's a win in my column. Hell if you can stand to have people read to you, even listening to books on tape (or now CDs) is considered reading. It was because I thought it was too expensive (and it was at the time) and I couldn't imagine ever wanting to read a non-paper book. Then I saw my friend who had one and she kept waxing poetically about how awesome it and how much money she was saving on books. And I turned to my husband one day and was like "Yes I want one".

So I got it for Christmas and I adored it. Between all the freebies and just having the ability to browse Amazon books (provided there was a wireless signal) I was on it all...the...time.

Then they brought out the Fire and I was all o.0 I put off buying it forawhile since I never wanted to buy first generation anything. I've read places it leads to badness and bugs and kinks and complaining. No thank you. So I waited a few months and finally get one with the tax refund, thus securing my position in tech-whoredom. Why do you ask?

Because even though I use it for most everything, including readings (which was a surprise to me since I thought the backlit would hurt my eyes) and games and I can't put it down until it pretty much makes a duck noise to let me know it's drying....I won't give up my other Kindle.

/hangs head

I know. Most people are like "Why have both?" And the only thing I can think of is....I like it. I like having both and why not? They were both given to me and they're mine. Plus as much as I love the Fire...the battery life on it is only 8 hours. :( But the fact that even though I have a tablet that does the same thing as my Kindle does, I don't want to give it up even though I can only really read and browse the storefront on it. This is what secures me a position as a techno-whore.

Now when/if I get a new laptop (or notebookor whatever they're called now) I will be cemented into it because then I will be plugged in every which way. Then there would be no real need for a smartphone LOL. Maybe at least I can keep that part of me pure.

Who am I kidding? I really want a GTC or Galaxy. /facepalm

Random Updates

So update on all that is me. I've been (again) horrible about keeping up to date with this but I think I'm going to make more of an effort (again I say) to try to keep this updated. Not only to keep my writing ability from getting rusty but I do miss writing and just blogging in general. ^_^

Anyhow the first major update is I got a promotion and raise at my job!! Yay!! It's a bit bittersweet to be honest--for those of you who watch the news my company laid off 600 people at the end of February and honestly everyone is still kind of adjusting from that. A lot of my friends were the ones who let go, people who have been there longer than me, so I had and still do have a bit of survivor's guilt.

But I am soooo happy about my promotion not only because it means more money but because I feel like I'm actually moving up and that there is a chance for this to go on. This is the first job that I feel I'm actually very good at and that I'm valued at. I love my job and I love the customers (most of the time). And I love the company I work for. Yeah we're in a rough patch but ultimately through random things like the picnic, end of the year of the office party, and random gifts throughout the year, this company has shown they appreciate their employees more than any other company I've been with or heard about.

Sure I did okay in daycare but the main problem there was the pay (which sucked) the parents (who were on occassion very mean) and the company where I felt just like a number. There is also the idea that I was raised and as such come from a different idealogy of parenting/child caring than what is prevelant now. I don't believe kids like they're equals all the time because they're not. Yes you can have a dialogue and difference of opinions but at the end of the day you're the adult/parent and what you say goes. I know most people hate hearing it (until they actually become parents) but the whole my roof my rules is still accurate. Once Trio gets there and I know he will I have no problem telling "Hey when you're on your own and you're working and using your money to pay your bills then do whatever the hell you want. Until then what I say goes." /shrugs

I also do not believe in not saying "no". The reason they have for this is because "it's negative".....of course it's negative it's suppose to be! When you're telling a kid no it is because they're do something dangerous or something you've told them not to do. No is so abrasive that I think it is what makes a kid stop and actually listen and stop as opposed to the "Oh no you may not do that" and or whatever it is.

*Sidenote: I tell Trio stop or freeze as opposed to no when he's about to do something really dangerous like run in the street. Read it in a parenting magazine and honestly the difference in the words makes him stop*.

Anyways that's enough randomness. I have to leave myself ideas in other blogs. I think the next one will be about my brand new toy the Kindle Fire vs. my other Kindle. Yay technology!!

Banned Books

The week of September 24th-October 1st is National Banned Books week. What this basically is, is a protest against books that others have tried to get banned for various reasons and most hard-core readers like myself usually encourage and try to read as many banned books in that week's time.

I do not like that people try to get books banned and that's putting it mildly. I mean, there's a difference between not letting your child read something and then basically telling other people what they are able or should let their children read and that pisses me off. Don't tell me what I can and can't read and what I should let my child read. That's for me to decide and I will when the time comes.

Case in point I wouldn't let my daughter if I had one read the Pretty Little Liar series or the Gossip Girl series. Point blank, I don't like the subject matter and I don't think they're for the audience that they pretend to cater to plus it's not necessarily something I would want my daughter to think of as cool and try to emulate. To me it's the same thing as the people who don't let their children read Harry Potter or the Twilight series because of what they deem as the occult references in your book. You don't want to read Harry Potter? Fine; but don't sit up here and tell me that my child shouldn't read it if I choose to let them because while I don't think the girl's series I mentioned is appropriate for a teenager doesn't mean I'm going to say "Hey your daughter shouldn't read them either and I'm going to work to make sure no daughter can ever!!" /shrugs It's your daughter do what you will with her.

And the things about banned books and books that are forbidden is that it only makes people want to read it even more. My dad told me in middle school I could no longer read romance novels but I still found a way and snuck them. So I realize without someone having to tell me that if I had a daughter and she wanted to read those books she probably would I just hope she would be as smart about it as I was (or at least as smart as I think I was) and hid it from me well enough to where I do not see them laying around and she better use her own money to buy it (meaning money from the jobs she does). Anyway that's a tangent for another post LOL.

The issue here is and has always been with me the audacity of people. Who are you to tell me what I can't read and what my kids can't read? That's a very personal choice and when people try to ban books, in my opinion they're working towards some type of dystopic society where Big Brother is always watching and monitoring what you do and read. It's so easy to not pick up a book you don't like and not read it. I do it all the time. I dislike the Anita Blake series intensely simply because of the subject matter of the (I think) fourth book. But I just choose not to read it; I choose not to recommend it to my friends; what I don't choose to do is work to get it banned and removed from the shelves because that's not the way I work. Some people love that series personally I just can't stomach it.

So if you don't want to read Harry Potter because don't like the references to magic fine. If you don't want to read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe because of the violence in it fine. If you don't want to read Huck Finn because of the repeated use of the "n" word fine. Just don't tell me I can't.

And in honor of Banned Books week, at some point I will be reading a banned book like I have done for the past few years. If you want to join me do so. If not it's alright I won't hold it against you.

Unless you try to make it so no one can ever read those books. Then we'll have issues.

Time, Time, Time

Oh how I wish I had more of it.

But then again who doesn't. My issue is that even with the (now) later shift that I work and weekends (real weekends mind you Sat/Sun) off I still feel like I don't have enough time to do what I want.

Like write: although that is also more of a computer thing. I like typing so when I write, whether it's blogging, an article for Associated Content (although now I think it's Yahoo something) or a story, I prefer typing to writing longhand. Reason for this is with writing longhand I get tired a lot quicker plus my penmanship is not that great. So somethings get lost in translation and yes I'm a big enough of a person to admit that I have looked at something I have written myself and been like "What the hell is that suppose to be?" But the issue is the last story I was writing (which was going to be a teenager novel driven for girls) I had written about one quarter to one third when my ancient laptop I got my first year of college in 2001 (God bless it) CRAPPED out on me and I lost most of the progress. I'm sure I can salvage most of it but I'm nervous about trying to do it on the laptop. Albert has been after me to get a new one anyways so when we can afford it I am gonna get one and just start saving it on a flash drive so I won't have to worry about too much of it disappearing. Because as much as I want to write and as much as these ideas fight in my head I do not like putting so much effort in it only to have it go to waste.

Family: My new shift is 6pm-3am which gives me more time during the day with my boys. But it also means that at the earliest I'm not getting to sleep until 3:30. Trying to wake up at 9ish is a heck of a lot harder to wake up from then going to sleep at 2:30. But I make do. I mean it will be easier when school starts and we're no longer watching the Girl, so I'm not going to be at my office for 12 FREAKING HOURS!! Because honestly after about 9 my body is like "B*tch you're suppose to be at home why are you still here?" /sigh Albert says I do well enough, but I always feel like it is not enough. I guess that is the plight of the working mom. Maybe I should read that Chicken Soup that KaCee got before the Book Box shut down (which is SUCH SADNESS but is another blog...once I come to full terms with it).

Of course I always make time for reading. To be honest if I had a computer that didn't occasionally go on strike, I would probably write for about 30 minutes when I came home from work or during my breaks at work. But even with that I feel like I'm not doing enough that I want. I figured out some Kindle math the other day and realized that out of the 107 readable books (by that I mean books you can read straight through not including dictionarys, cookbooks, etc) that I have read 44. It's those darn freebies! One click free book is soooo dangerous for any bibliophile. Oh well.

It's probably all just a matter of getting use to the new shift. Once that happens hopefully most if not all these time worries will not be so worrisome. Until next time Fair Reader.

10 Years...

is a long time. I know it's cliched and everyone says it but it is.

This year makes 10 years since I've graduated high school. And I am nowhere where I thought I would be when I walked across that stage 10 years ago. (Forgive me if this is a repeat but with it being 10 years and my birthday looming this is what is one my mind).

First off I was suppose to be a Music Major and be a world famous, or at least well known in whatever symphony I was in, violist, hopefully New York. My first choice of schools was Vassar and the only reason I think I didn't go there was because I forgot paperwork to send it in on time and then the only way to send it in would have been to make it my ONLY choice (as in a legal contract like thing saying hey I'm not applying to any other school so pleasefortheloveofGodacceptme. And I didn't want to do that. So New York was struck out early.

Then I went to UofH and from there I went from a Music Major to an English Major when my Music Theory professor suggested that I withdraw from my classes because (to be blunt) I was gonna fail. I could have aced everything in that class afterwards and still been screwed. And people I have told this story to thought he was a dick but quite honestly to this day I respect him (and I still remember his name; Dr. Snider) for his honesty. Because quite frankly even if I had stayed in music I would probably hate it. I didn't like music theory. I know it may sound silly but I didn't care and I still don't about the theory behind music and chords and the mathematics. I just like(d) to play. I like the music I like evoking emotion from myself and from people and if I had stayed in Music I would probably hate it right now. So violist struck out.

And I didn't anticipate with a child right now. Now don't get me wrong. I love my boy more than life itself and will not hesitate to cut anyone who dares to threaten him and I mean that. But looking back at the young woman I was I didn't think I would be married and with a 3 year old by the time my 10 year reunion was due. I certainly didn't think I would be married to Albert (even as I may have hoped for it <3).

I didn't think I'd be in the career I was in (and yes it's a career). Hell I'm not even sure if 10 years ago I knew what WoW and Blizzard was. And now here I am at a company that I could cheerfully retire from in 40 some odd years.

On a somber note I didn't think I would have to say goodbye to my Dad within 10 years of graduating high school. Like most people I figured I had all the time in the world with him and that he would see my kids (however many there would be) through most of their life like my Granny did with me.

I guess the thing and the point of this whole blog is that we never really know where life will take us. We can plan and map out all we want but at the end of the day wherever we are suppose to be in our life? We'll get there through little steps and changes and shortcuts through the map. And while it may take awhile to get use to, I believe in a Higher Power and that this (as frustrating and heart wrenching as it is sometimes) is where I need to be right now. And while this is not where I thought I would be as the 17 year old girl on the edge of the real world 10 years ago, I could not imagine my life anywhere else.